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neverending (profile) wrote,
on 5-6-1996 at 1:52am
Current mood: restless
Music: maroon5.sunday morning
Subject: sigh
hey guys,
i guess i should explain myself. i havent really spoken about my current situations and issues to anyone but neilee and seems to wan to know so i guess i reall y should explain. well lets see i guess i will start with our big break up.im still confused as to why,b/c nano made all of that up with the exception that yes i was contemplating breaking l\things off with jay, and i was bored. but antways it's too late for that now.so i have decided to take a frsh start. i am reneewing everything i know. im wiping the slate clean.im dropping all grudges et cetera...with everyone. i have come to loathe myself and who i have become recently and this sounded like a good way to make myself happier.i have made many new promises to myself adn to those around me.these are included but not limited to: to always listen, to always be there for whoever may need me to,to be nice to everyone at anytime say if you came up and socked me i will turn the other cheek, and to use the word ''hate'' sparingly. latley i have been taking vicodin for no good reaon. i like the way it made me feel. i could let go and not really be fully conscience. neddless to say i downed 3 on may second.i started self mutilation again. And now 4 days later i am proud to say i have done neither of those things. It's like tuesday night i had an internal revolution and decided then and there i would never let myself fall down to the lowly state i was in. i want to let each of you know i love you and deeply care for all of you. special thanks to jay-for making my sophomore year a positive expirence and taking my perspective to a new level, stacy- for being there and tlak ing to me that night online when noone else did, ben- for just being you,josh (aungst) - for caring deeply,dustin - for being a great listene and keeper of secrets,neilee- for loving me unconditionally,adam- for telling me everything will be allright wheni needed most to hear that, kate- for being there and quietly understanding,and for rachel- for helping me to beleive''there's someone destined for you.he will love you so much and will never want to let you goa or let you out of sight. you are destined for great things''. thanks guys i deeply love you all. and if someone can give me sammie (pennington)'s email i would lie to speak with her. thanks again!
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