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kailster (profile) wrote,
on 5-9-2005 at 11:18pm
Current mood: calm
Music: the ataris-in this diary; something corporate-down
"Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives." ~the Ataris

well folks...summer '05 has begun and we've got it made :-)

these past couple weeks have been rough...i've been through a lot, but have come out as a stronger and a more experienced woman. going through the last days of a relationship i fought so hard to keep together, then finals, then the last day of my first year at college...leaving two of my my come home for the summer. but i've begun patching many friendships that i've missed the past few years and making a progress at becoming my own person, without anyone holding me back.

i had a best friend when i came to lakeview, someone who i hung out with every day and did everything with, even if it was just sitting outside hanging out, or watching movies with at night, or looking at the stars...but we did it together, and that made it ten times better. after starting high school we kind of went our own ways but still kept small talk and remembered the good times every once in a while together. I came back knowing that i would talk to him a little bit...come to find out, we're in the same boat. both just outta long relationships and figuring out what we wanna do with the rest of our lives...wanting to have a great summer...together. talking to him my second day back was awesome, we talked about going on road trips, to movies, and anything else we could do together. i have a friend who lives two houses down who i can talk to about anything, knows me really well, and likes to do things that i do...what more could i ask for this summer. well...besides chris...

i miss him a lot. a ton. every day, every second...right now. i called him and talked to him seeing how he was doing...didn't seem too excited but he's not good at showing emotions so maybe he was just holding it all in. who knows. i know that i am beginning to realize what i miss though. not the relationship we had the second semester in college...i miss us a year ago...staying the night at his house, talking for hours on the phone, spending every minute together on the weekends doing nothing...sitting or driving around. i told him for years that i didn't wanna be together b/c i didn't want to ruin our i was right. i don't regret any of it, i'm so glad that i finally was able to be with him, it was the happiest moments of my life...but things us. i know we are two different people now, and things just weren't working out...i just hope whatever happens is for the best and i will still have him in my life...even if it is just as friends for the rest of my life. i love him, i always will. and i want him to be happy.

it's so strange to be home...but it's great at the same time. my friends are so awesome, it's great to see kane and traci and gary and everyone...i love em all, and this summer is gonna be great with them. i hope that i can hang out with mike and chris and those'd be nice to do that again...prolly going to be weird but great after a while.

i miss mair. a lot. i talked to her twice on the phone today and just saw her on yesterday! but i told her this was our first official day of not seeing eachother the whole time. it's sad to think that i can't just walk in a door and talk to her about my whole day, or see her and have her do the has to be over a phone...i don't like it. i mean i went from being with her every maybe every other weekend. well she's coming down this weekend to stay with me and kane and gary and that should be fun. just a bunch of my good friends hanging out :-) i'm excited. i don't know what i'd do without my friends...any of them. i love you guys and thank you for everything you do for me.

well i have to get up and call my dad, i'm supposed to be getting the plates and stuff with him tomorrow for my car...god i can't wait to get my car! i am gonna go see kane while she babysits and hang out with gary...then on friday mair is coming down! yay!! can't wait to see her! and it's only been a this summer is gonna be long...but awesome :-) well...i need a job, but i don't really want one :-P but i really hope i get one, cuz...i need the money! haha well i'm gonna get to bed...glad i updated...night
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