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|drowning-in-you (profile) wrote, |
on 6-4-2005 at 12:39am
|Current mood: curious
Subject: subject: guilt
|guilt is one of the worst feelings any human being can possibly feel, besides a few others...guilt is a feeling that can slowly eat away at you as fast or slow as it wants to...i hate guilt...guilt is no friend of mine, oh no...
sometimes, it's a feeling that we shouldn't feel, but for odd reasons we choose to take it upon ourselves to feel it...for example...the stereotype (ok i know stereotypes shouldn't be a part of this, but hear me out) of a kid in the middle of his parents divorce...though it's clearly the parent's problem, the child sometimes is led to believe that in some way it was their fault that led to the divorce...and sometimes that child grows up to feel like he's the bad guy, when really, he's just an innocent child that was put in the wrong family setting...he feels guilt, which he shouldn't feel...
then of course, there's a true guilt...when someone has done something wrong and all of a sudden *bam* it hits them that "oh maybe i shouldn't have done that"...& they start thinking...& it starts to eat at them...what if someone finds out?...is it possible to confess w/out being punished?..."will i feel this way forever?"...
so i bet you're thinking "ok becky, what did you do that's eating away at you right now?"...well to be honest, a lot...but in my life...in all my 18 years, i have felt guilt for the longest time...
I've felt guilty bout all the things i've either done or said wrong...guilty bout putting blame on others when really i'm a hypocrite...guilty of hurting people's feelings...guilty of manipulating people...guilty of lying, esp. to my family...hey, i was even the kid in the first example who felt guilty bout my parent's divorce (both times)...
guilt is something we feel, but why?...is it just a little bit of like God trying to be on our shoulder & making us realize how dumb we are?...is it our concious?...is it just a personal thing, like am i the only one who feels this way?...it's a frustrating feeling that i've delt w/ for a long time...& it's also a stupid feeling to those who are stubborn...cuz then we know what it feels like cuz we keep doing the same mistakes...*sigh*...there was not much of a point to this, i just needed something to type about...talk later...