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jredmon (profile) wrote,
on 6-10-2005 at 3:26pm
Current mood: aggravated
Music: Metallica - I Disappear
Subject: Me and my aunt

Judy haven't ever really gotten along for some reason. Maybe it's because she thinks that since she's had a job with the Air Force (a desk job, mind you) she knows everything. Well, now she's pregnant. She's always tried to be that very bitchy kind of independent woman. The kind that will tell you "I don't need you to do nothin' for me, I'll do it myself!" Oh yeah?

I'm sitting in the kitchen, fixing myself a tuna sandwich. I hear her voice from behind me, "Why don't you fix me and sandwich?" Hmm, I dunno. Maybe because you can do it yourself. Like every other time I've asked you if you've wanted me to do something for you. "I would but I'm busy... sorry..." is all I could think of. I kinda wanted it to not sound apologetic at all, and considering how monotonous I am most of the time, I'm pretty sure she got the just of it. "FINE THEN! I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF!" Heh, fuckin' right you will.

"JESSE! WHERE THE FU... WHERE'S THE TUNA FISH!?" I understand she's pregnant, and maybe a little bitchy because she's about to push something watermelon sized through something not so watermelon sized. I don't care though. Screaming at me will get you very little compliance, and most likely, if I'm in a good mood, a string of sarcasm. "I'm not sure. Did you check behind you? Where you saw me reach to get mine? Right behind you?" And here it comes. "You don't have to be such a SMARTASS ALL THE DAMN TIME!" I wasn't a smartass before. Go time! "Here, let me get the mayonaise for you." I was going to get it too. I wasn't joking. As I'm opening the fridge she kinda makes that bitch growl... I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, no matter who you are. The ERRRRRRR noise. " I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUSY! WHY DON'T YOU GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!?" Well damn. She's right. "Oh yeah. I was busy eating my sandwich. Thanks for reminding me." So I sit down at the table and eat my sandwich. Then she looks in the fridge for the mayonaise, and can't find it. "Jesse, where's the mayonaise?" It's right behind that jar of "I know, but I'm going to fuck with you anyway." Suddenly though, I feel bad... I get up and get the mayonaise for her. I give her the can opener.

There's no bread. I got the last two peices when I was making my sandwich. I was unaware of this. Oh well, though. There are saltine crackers. She can eat those. I think. "Where's the bread?" Right here in my hands. "Looks like we're out." And the flood gates open. "All I wanted was a fucking tuna fish sandwich like you had." Awww.

Let them eat crackers.
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