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silentcriez (profile) wrote,
on 6-18-2005 at 1:59pm
we walk around aimlessly as we search for the answers to lifes questions. but who can really answer them? who can tell you what love is? when love can be interpreted differently by each and every person on this earth? whose to say whats wrong or right? we base everything on our society whats accepted and whats frowned upon. but its never really wrong unless you feel its wrong..

life works in crazy ways and i think that he was sent to me to get past everything.. to make my life easier to make me feel loved.. and its working im happy and i have been for the past week and every seemingly minute change in my life is impacting more than i can even grasp right now

joe and scott came over the other night and we had a talk about death.. and what joe said was completely true people are afraid of death because they feel nothing.. "like sleeping without dreaming" you dont feel anything when your sleeping.. your just.. not there.. and everything is going on around you and you are blissfully un aware.. and that scares me

and i also realized what my problem is..
i am constantly the one giving advice helping ppl analyzing ppl and things around me.. and when i am questioned i cant stand it.. because i am vulnerable and i cant stand rejection because im vulnerable and i cant stand heartbreak because i cant control it.. i hat e situations where im not in control.. just like i cant control whether or not i can hit a baseball when its thrown to me and that fact that i might not hit it shys me away from the game

just like with guys.. im afraid to make the first move because i dont know if they want me.. and once i know they want me im not afraid.. because its gaurenteed.. i wont feel rejection.. and that puts me in control of the situation..

i sit here day by day watching my ashtray fill up with cigarette after cigarette.. and its proof to me that one day is the same as the next..

life is crazy.. love is pain.. pain is pleasure.. and i live for it all..

.. my confession because i'm diluted
& perfectly flawed
i shall live by passion
& not by law
and i'm insecure ...
i need aggression
to feed the spiders of perception
and i'm supposed to be strong
& have all the answers

a cannibal
in the new church of cancer
but i'm nothing special
i'm not unique
i have many secrets

& i eat the weak
and i'm at an end
i'm at an end .....
and there's ...

i need to find my sanctuary
..... someplace safe
gotta get this outta me
..... this is my escape

and i think about it all the time
i'm volatile and afraid to cry
but i'm still not comfortable
in my skin and the
anesthetics slowly wearing thin
& i need to talk to someone new
i need a different latitude
& i'm in this void all alone!

feeling needy... hungry to grow
but i'm suffocating -- can't come down
and .... no ....

--- all i see is sadness
all i see is sadness ....
what's left?
-- this will teach them.
this will teach them,'ve got to......
Push. are not alone
- this is where i hide my power
- this is where i become free
- this is where i take control
- and slowly choke your fantasies
- i want to know my day is coming

- see my enemies be punished
- shed my skin again
- this will be my best revenge!!
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