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polishpimping (profile) wrote,
on 6-19-2005 at 11:22am
Subject: It never fails.

I have a habit of not taking my faith seriously. However, it has been there when I needed it most. This morning I was in a bad state (as I have been for quite a few hours previous) but Sunday morning mass helped me put things in perspective.

God has a plan for each of us.

In God's plan, I will not be living in West Campus Appts. I'm sorry for how I have treated you (Amanda and Jeeber). I realize now that I was just being selfish. I'm sorry for all of the negitive conversations that have plauged our relationships in the past months. I hope time will mend what this unfortunate situation has broken.

In God's plan, Michelle and I will not live happily ever after. I am way to dependant for her. She is a little to independant for me. I am sorry Michelle, for coming into your life and expecting things to just be better. I'm sorry for putting pressure on you to do things you didn't want to do, and not to do things that you did. I'm sorry for so many things. I hope we can still be friends, someday. But for now I have a disease (dependancy) and I cannot allow myself to hurt you (or me) anymore then I already have.

In God's plan I will be a better person. I'm sorry Jason. For the past few months you have been my scapegoat. It was easy and convienient for me to blame you for all of my problems. You haven't done anything that I myself wouldn't (and haven't) done. I will try to take resposibilty from now on.

I'm sorry God. I have tried (stupidly) to make my life the way I want it. I don't know what is best for me, as you do. My faith is in you completely.

And to everyone else...
"Jesus and I love you."

Please call me sometime... I get so bored here in Galesburg. You know what Yoda (in episode 1) would say.
"Boredom leads to jealousy.
Jealousy leads to suffering.
Suffereing leads to rage.
Rage leads to the Dark Side."

but then again Episode 3 taught me the Dark Side leads to sex with Natile Portman....
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