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shiznit05 (profile) wrote,
on 6-28-2005 at 12:19am
Current mood: contemplative
i dont know anymore, ive been sitting here for the past 10 minutes, just staring at my computer screen, i havent really done anything worth while, ive just been thinking

why? honestly, can someone answer that question for me? why him? why now? why always? i mean, whats so special about him? sara told me it was because it's feels right, its what's expected, its almost too perfect. but its not, its not perfect, it hasnt been perfect for over a year now. it used to be...everyone used to comment on it...'you two are perfect together'...'just give it time...fate will bring you could it not?'...i used to believe it all, really i did. then tonight, while i was on the phone with brian, it hit me...its not gonna happen, not now, now would be the worst time, i cant keep wishing for it, because all im doing is getting my hopes up for nothing, and i will not have my heart broken again by someone who decides to not return the feelings i have. i just want to go back to the friendship we used to have...remember that? it used to be easy, what made it so difficult? was it just me? becuase right now, im the only person i can point a finger at...why does that always happen, why can i never place blame on someone else, i always figure out a way to blame myself...maybe it is you...kaylene told me you're just blind. you cant see whats good, and whats right in front of you...i dont know anymore, i just pray that God will straighten me out someday soon, and i'll realize that you dont feel the same way, never have, and let me slowly let go of the hope i have...

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