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amazighstarrynights (profile) wrote,
on 7-5-2005 at 6:05pm
Music: Enya/ Enigma - Return to Innocence
Subject: I'm here I swear!
So for anyone who may have thought that I've fallen off the face of the earth - I haven't. I've been pretty busy lately taking classes everyday and working 20 some hours a week. It's enough let's just say that. Well awhile ago I wrote about writing my final papers for this past semester and learning more about Islam. Well it's been quite a learning experience. I've found that the most difficult thing for me has been seperating what I'm reading and what Youssef has been telling me with what I've been "brainwashed" to believe forever. And questioning which is right? What do I, Amanda Ponzio, believe to be true? What makes sense? Is there one way that's right?? One day last week I was reading about Islam and there was a thunderstorm - I hate storms. So I couldn't sleep so I just kept reading and highlighting things that were interesting to me. I was getting pretty freaked out about the storm and I suddenly felt this really calm feeling, that I didn't need to be worried about what was happening outside. What that means I am not totally sure but I made the decision to convert to Islam. *BIG sigh* I am going to do it when I'm in Morocco. What I have read I like, but I feel this huge void because I don't know Arabic, I don't know how to pray, etc. etc. but I will learn. I really like the ritual that goes with it, and the connectedness - not like in Christianity where there is always an intermediary. Another thing that I'm doing when I'm there is that Youssef and I are going to have an Islamic wedding. We can't get married legally yet because we won't get his visa if we do. But we want to get married in our eyes and in the eyes of God. The paper means nothing to me really, I just want to be his wife. I want to make that commitment to each other and mean it. 29 more days until we leave - I just keep thinking of the 41 days we'll get to spend together and know that it's just days. Everything will be ok. Inshallah.
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