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mle (profile) wrote,
on 7-25-2005 at 12:24am
Current mood: . silently screaming .
Music: . afi . this time imperfect .
. asphyxiate on words i would say .

we just talked for a brief few online. you keep encouraging me to call if i need anything. well i need you.

or, at least...
i need to know.

i can't keep going on like this.
i'm going crazy with doubt... to the point of being physically ill.

i don't know whether to try to sleep, call you and confess, or punch a hole through the wall.

why does this have to be so confusing? all i want to know is if you reciprocate. if yes, then i fucking ruined the butterfly-suspense-awesomeness of falling in love. if not, then i've fucking wasted entirely too many hours brooding over why you haven't called, if it's ok to call you...

i think about it all the time. i'm under so much stress at work... and i can't stand the pools anymore. they're driving me to insanity. literally.
how much i've failed in life... what i've amounted to.
i just want it all to end.

all too often, it feels as if it's the only way to calm the storm of obsessions cooking up in my mind.
i hyperventilate.
then i suffocate.

repeat as necessary.
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