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|wiredshut (profile) wrote, |
on 7-30-2005 at 8:46pm
|Current mood: Ill and groggy.
Subject: everything and nothing.
|Hello. wooa this feels really weird. i've not written in ages so i've lost all of the old familiaity with the keyboard and also with my brain. my mind is always just this storm of thoughts and i have to try v.hard to get them into order to write down so i apologise if this entry makes no sence. (was reading back and hardly any of my others do either so you should have no problem)Well was at my grandma's memorial today. Was really very emotional and everyone cried- then we all went and had a party which i missed most of coz i was sleeping. yes. sleeping. found out yesterday that i may have an absess in my jaw, this is not only painful but have now found out that it maybe infected. Which in turn is making me feel like SHITE!!!!!! seriously every bone in my body aches as if a rather spry, large sumo wrestler has come along and battered me to the ground with a fire poker. like i said i feel bad. and this in turn is weakening everything else. i have come to the conclusion that i am a natrally weak person (despite my hidious giantess size) so this is not good. it has weakened my resolve to be happy happy and it has weakened the guard that i have put up to stop the pain or reality. so as my happy happy resolve was weakened i have of course been crying (i know i know, i always seem to be crying but beleive it or not i havent in a while) so i was lying in my bed aching all over and thinking. thinking how i always seem to put the worst pieces of reality into the back of my mind such as- shit gotta go this is my sisters computer and shes just come back! will try and come back again soon. (if anyone wants me to)|