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SeraphimRhapsody (profile) wrote,
on 8-1-2005 at 3:20pm
I've been incredibly depressed lately. Well, technically it would alternate or fluctuate....but I would just crumble and feel numb and cold and alone and upset. It's been really hard to deal with. And this isn't something I typically write here, is it? Oh well.

I finally talked to someone when I hit a really deep pit and I had things planned to say..to try and explain what I was feeling since I had no idea why I was breaking down andhoped they could help me figure out why...but I couldn't even put that stuff together to say (yeah, phones rock my socks, love 'em). Just crying and I didn't even know if I should be bothering them with what was wrong, if it was right to talk to them about how I was feeling and force it on them and whatever. But I figured it wasn't every time...just this really hard hit that I couldn't seem to get over.

And they seemed to know what was wrong. I guess they're right...it seems to fit.
Scared about the change.
I really really can't handle it.

College and moving and people leaving and starting over.
The change. All of it.

And I'm just freaking out and breaking down and I feel nothing. It's like I'm hollow. And it's scary. And I don't know how to talk to people about it, or if it's something I talk to people about, or if it's fair for them to deal with since it's a constant for me and if they help me once, I'll end up going to them more often and then I'll never let them alone.

But I dunno. I guess this is my attempt at trying to write something good about feelings and change and the future.
I'm scared. And it's making these last few weeks really really difficult.
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