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twitchy (profile) wrote,
on 8-11-2005 at 10:58pm
Subject: please don't read it, it's depressing and I shoudn't have written it
why can't this be gone?
I want this out of my life, I want it out of my head
out of my head, out of my head
it's just so firmly set, wound around my mind like some vile ivy
and I don't want to feel this way
like I don't control it, like this feeling's always inside my head
and maybe if I cried it would leave, maybe that's why the tears are pounding against the back of my eyelids, but no
no crying
just the pounding and the whimpering
and the fact that I feel this, it means I'm a failure
fuel to the fire, just an inferno of loathing
guilt, why? pain, why?
can't I be happy? I guess not
and I've let myself down, like I let everyone down
and I'm weak and vile, and I can't tell myself that it's not ture
and I don't have the will-power to keep it inside
I don't want to be a burden to my friends
and I want to feel happy, don't I deserve to be happy? the answer I hear and feel is no
failure, weakness, letting everyone down, letting yourself down
I can't
I should be able to beat this, but I can't, I'm a lie
why do I feel like shit? why can't I be happy? why can't I love a litte without the pain? why can't I deal with this myself?

please disreguard this entry, I shouldn't have written it, I should delete it, I don't want anyone to have to think about it, but I won't delete it because it's hard to keep inside

please disreguard this entry
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