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bunsofsteel (profile) wrote,
on 8-15-2005 at 1:26am
Current mood: sad
Music: sugar, were going down
Subject: yesterday
yesterday
oh yesterday
i just
am.. idk
well heres what happened:
well there was the family reunion. that went well. it usually dosent.. but i had a good time. then was my date w/ kyle. im really hopeing no one who knows me is reading this. alright well we were watching a movie and then afterward me and ellen were messing around with justins phone and so we were all smushed togeather on one couch and i was on my side and so was kyle and so it was like we were spooning. i was kinda thinking.. you can get up anytime. but he didnt. and i didnt. and idk if its just me missing ryan and wanting to cuddle or something but we deffinitly were. then i called him later to ask him what he was thinking about it all and he said that he should have got up but he didnt think much of it. then i got home and made him a thank you card and in the middle of making it joel came home dunk off his butt. he had to have 2 people help him walk.. more waddle inside. bekah and karisa looked buzzed along w/ everyone else. they broke into the town pool anbd went swimming. i had to take care of joel. he had some alergic reaction to something in the barn. and he had all these nasty bumps on his back.
and for the first time in my life i was kind of scared about him. i didnt know if i was scared for him or scared of him. idk. all i know is i shouldnt have been put in that situation to begin with. he's a big boy and i know that he knows when to say enough is enough. but he got drunk. really drunk. and it was scary.

besides that.. umm nothings been going on. just got back from vacation. it was fun. bekahs friend jen was annoying at times but was fun the rest of the time. i guess when we got home she like cryed herself to sleep b/c joel dosent want to be her boyfriend and she thought that they were going to go out or something to that effect. to me, its kind of funny i guess. idk.

but anyways.. i should get going. its 1*38. i dont have to get up early or anything.. but i dont really have anything to do. maybe i'll just read and then fall asleep to that. it just calms me way way down.

i miss ryan. i miss his smell. i miss our talks. i miss the way me makes me feel when we hug. i miss talking to him on the phone. i miss hearing him talk about all the bands he likes. i miss hearing him play guitar. i miss his giant polor bear hugs. i miss his crazy hair. i miss the way that he makes me feel. i miss him telling me im beautiful. i miss all of hios constant "i love you"s. i miss his kisses. i miss the way that he looks at me. i miss all of him.

goodnight
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