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sandatthebeach (profile) wrote,
on 9-6-2005 at 8:28pm
Current mood: crappy
Subject: Crushed Pineapples
I'm so fucking insecure it's great. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone...forever...what if I'm supposed to be a nun for real? I don't know, I'm having issues with...crap. I fucking hate the way that I am sometimes...

Can you really fall out of love in a short period or time? Someone you've loved for so long...just suddenly decide hey, I wanna move on. I just, I dont' know, I think it's impossible to have such sudden change of heart. Or maybe I'm just a loser for taking way to long to move on, you know? I mean, it took me 3 years to get over someone....a few months? Is it possible? I don't know. I read some things that made me really jealous and upset all at the same time. Then I felt stupid and got really insecure and just wanted to lock myself in my room, hide under the covers and hide from the world. I think I'm pushing away everyone. I hate being alone yet I'm the one who puts myself in that position. I hate people but I don't. Maybe I'm just sick of me and my bullshit. I hate burdening other people with it so I just dwell on it...forever...until I crack.

I want to go outside right now and just screa really really loudly because I feel like I'm suffocated. Not because my nose is stuffy but just everything inside feels trapped and I want to take my brain out and just chuck it at a moving train then make myself a new one...one that doesn't think so much....I'm make a brain that only concentrates on school so I can be smart.

And that's my rant.

Always, Sandy
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