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jburt1 (profile) wrote,
on 10-14-2005 at 1:03am
Subject: What am I doing with my life?
This is my dream. Right now. The one that I'm living. I'm going to school in Chicago. But something's not right. It's not like I came here and was instantly happy. I'll admit, I am extremely satisfied with my decision to come here, and I am happy, most of the time. But sometimes I just question what I'm doing with my life.

Business. Is that what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life? Is it something I will enjoy? Do I have what it takes to be a leader in that realm? Who knows.

I'm also questioning my morals. Yeah, I go to church. Get slightly more out of it than I usually do at home. But I still drink. I still am curious when it comes to smoking pot (something i haven't done) and I am still looking to further my sexual experience. Is it bad that I want to have sex, even though I'm not in "love" or any form thereof? Would it be bad if I lost my virginity for the sake of losing it? Probably. But I still feel the pressure to lose it.

I'm not the person I envisioned myself being by any means. You know, when I was in grade school I used to picture myself being the all-star athlete in high school. What a joke. The picture i had for my college self was a self-assured, confident, all-around nice guy. As cheasy as it sounds, I thought I'd be someone of Character, Compassion, Committment. Maybe I am and I don't know it. But more than anything I am human.

I guess I just wanted to get some of this out of my system.
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