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swimchica255 (profile) wrote,
on 10-25-2005 at 7:59pm
Current mood: relieved
Music: queen-bohemian rhapsody
Subject: phew!
sooo i almost lost my mind the past four days. i had two papers and two exams in two days. it was nuts. i spent six hours in the fishbowl on saturday and six last night. then, i came home and started studying and woke up on the couch at 6am. i actually think my papers turned out okay, and my exam was wayyyy easier than i thought.

anyways, other stuff. i felt crappy in practice and my times were horrible for like 3 weeks, so jim and the doc thought i had mono. got tested and i didn't have it, but i started to feel better so it's cool. i've sorta had a cold lately, but swimming's been okay still. having fun with the team as usual. i love them. we have meets against cal and msu this week two days in a row, which should be fabulous. i'm actually excited cause i haven't raced in a while.

ps, i really like how our coaches think we have a drinking problem. we rarely even go out, and when we do we're never out of control. it would be one thing if we really were going crazy; then i would just fess up, but i don't like being accused of things i don't do.

hmm one other thing i really like is how everyone on both teams knows everything about everyone's lives, esp what happens on the weekends. actually it doesn't make me mad, more like i think it's funny. i love gossip as long as it's not hurting anyone.

i also love boys. justine and i always talk about how we are commitment phobes, and i think it is true. i don't know how i could choose just one guy and commit to him with the risk of emotional pain. i really haven't been treated badly by guys in my life, so i dunno what i'm afraid of. i mean, it would make sense for me to want a boyfriend. then i would have someone to hang out with, do nice things for me, and hook up with. lol. not that any of that stuff is the most important part of relationship, but you know what i mean.

sophomore year has been amazing so far...i can't believe that we're already more than two months into it!! it seems like even though last year flew by, the weeks and months went by slower. who knows. season is going by really fast, and before we know it we'll be training in puerto rico! that is rad.

hmmm what else. i need to figure out what i want to do with my life. how is a 19 year old supposed to know what she wants to do for the next 40 years? i just can't imagine choosing now...plus there are no jobs that are really appealing to me. i mean, i'm not afraid of hard work, but i don't want to sit behind a desk, i don't like math/business/science/engineering/medicine/econ. i want to make money, but i want to have fun doing it. is that too much to ask? i feel like i don't know about all the jobs that are out there. i need someone to sit me down and give me some good choices. i know that i'm good at writing, public speaking, spanish, working with other people, solving problems, all that stuff....but what does that even mean? i don't want to be a teacher, so what should i do? i'm currently taking suggestions.

i also feel like i really need to get back into creative writing. i know i'm a dork, but i feel sad when i go a long time without writing a poem or a short story or doing something nerdy and creative. even writing a song or painting a picture would be good. i have no artistic talent whatsoever when it comes to painting or drawing or anything, but i still like doing it. i guess when i do something creative it sort of helps solidify my current mood and lay it in front of me. i seriously sound like the biggest dork of my life right now, but i don't really care. i'm also rambling. when i start talking about creative endeavors like this, i get really into it. i get really excited just thinking what i can make with my mind, my hands, my body....just so much possibility. now, if i could somehow harness this excitement into something productive it would be good. maybe i can find a job in the creative field. the only problem is, i'm not actually good enough at any of that stuff to be really successful in that area. i mean, i'm okay, but i want to do something that will make a lasting impression on my sphere of existence. either i want to be remembered for the things i have done, be inspirational in some way to others, or really change my field of work. who knows.

okay i'm done confusing myself for now.
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