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angry_mob (profile) wrote,
on 2-15-2003 at 11:39pm
Current mood: good and full
Music: mickey and sylvia- love is strange
wow\'s been a while since anyone has written anything in here.

i got my acceptance letter in the mail a few days ago!!!!! woooo!!! wwooo!!!! they decided to take on the challenge of beans for another fabulous year. heh... just reading the daily schedule makes me anxious. just looking at my pictures the other night made me want to cry. i was looking at one. to be specific...the one that andy chambers secretly took with my camera (i know you know the story) of me and ryan at pizza night in the lodge. my heart ached. everyone was laughing and smiling. my head was on ryans shoulder and we were sitting oh so close. just seeing the lodge makes me sad. it\'s become such a big part of my life and such a highlight of my summer that i don\'t know what i\'ll do in 2 summers when i can\'t go back anymore. and even if i did go back as a counsler, it wouldn\'t be the same. now that i really think about it, i don\'t know if i\'d want to be a counsler after i graduate. i mean,\'d rock, but i wouldn\'t be playing, some of my friends wouldn\'t be there. it would not be the same at all. why ruin a good thing? sometimes change is good, but now i\'m really hating it. things here are so stale. part of my problem is that i\'m so used to moving all the time. before moving here, my longest place i lived was 2 and a half years in pennsylvania. i\'ve been here for 5 and a half years now. i think my life has been full of so much change, i\'m used to it. however, since i\'ve lived here for so long, i\'ve adapted to the same old thing all the time. now when change comes around, it\'s somewhat unfimiliar and disliked. hmmm...lots of self analyzing has gone on here. maybe too much. living in the moment..... has become too hard. it shouldn\'t have. despite my busyness, i still find all this time to think. i should not think. thinking makes my brain go insane. i\'m going insane now. it\'s like when you talk about camp, and try to remember things. and you remember them so well, you can smell the air and see everything so vividly in your feel like you\'re there. i hate that feeling. it seems great, but\'s terrible. i mean, you have the feeling of almost being there, but you\'re not. camp is too good to be true. i mean, i met some of my best friends there. and i was drawn to my best friend there. if it wasn\'t from camp, i really don\'t think beans and i would be friends. we kind of got shoved together because we half knew each other from school. weird how things work out. now, i can\'t imagine my life without her. i\'d freaking die!!! and amanda... she\'s such a sweetie and probably one of the only people left on this earth that still has some sort of hope for ryan and i.\'s me and amanda. that\'s it i think. and ryan... what can i say? i\'ve already said too much and you all know my feelings for him, so there is no need to go into detail. :) no offence to ryan, if he even reads this (i don\'t think he know this thing even exists..haha) he knows how i feel about him and deep down, he knows how i feel about him. and brian! my first kiss came from a camp fling. haha. and my last dated kiss did too! woo! some of the best flute tecniques have come from camp, and some of the funniest things i\'ve ever heard has came from the mouths of people at camp. some of the most beautiful music i\'ve ever played has been played at camp. some of the most disgusting goulash has been consumed at camp (i like goulash by the way!). heh... or is it the other way around? heh. some of the funnest card games have been played at camp, and i think the most i\'ve ever laughed AND cried, has both been done at camp. it\'s intresting. how i can be so in love with something that i\'ve only been to 4 weeks out of my 15 and a half years of living. probably some of the best 4 weeks of my life. (i would say the best 4, but honers band was pretty sweet) anyway...i\'m sure this has gone on long enough. africa just decided to come up on my screen. heh...i remember when we were playing it friday after we got it really good... we were playing the slower part that\'s really pretty and i felt like i was in africa. i\'ve never gotten that from any other piece of music before. how awesome. i just hope someone else got to feel the same way i did at that moment. because it was beautiful.
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