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brokenmentality (profile) wrote,
on 12-7-2005 at 8:46am
sometimes you drive me crazy. this morning was perfect until you started feeling sorry for yourself. and as much as i want to just slap you and be like "QUIT WITH THE SELF PITY" i cant because i hate to see you upset. you have alot of stress this month... and sometimes i make it worse. i apologize for that. you know i've got your back though... as stupid and cliche as that sounds.. thats what we do. we catch each other when we fall... i know there are times i wouldnt beable to stand on my own without your support. and i pray to god that i make you feel the same.

i dont know whats wrong with me lately. i've been really depressive(ish) barely anything sets me into it... and hardly nothing gets me out of it. i dont understand. winter is supposed to be overwhelming in its beauty... and all i can concentrate on is how cold it is. how i lost my 4 dollar gloves, or how i'm ruining my "winter" boots by wearing them out in the snow. its hard enough that i can wear my heels in the snow.

and with the whole heels thing. i feel at times that i've become just that. the girl who wears heels everyday. i know it sounds stupid. but i also know that poeple have probably said amongst themselves something along the lines of "why does she wear those everyday" and no i dont care, but then again i guess i do. in a way i hide my insecurities in wearing them. i used to be really self concious about how i walked. now im not anymore. yeah.. im just gonna stop.. whatever.

i just hate school. and a part of me thinks that its just because of algebra. i dont mind any of my classes except that one.. first hour. so i have no motivation to get out of bed in the morning... which yeilds all my absences. the only reason i took that class was because one of my stupid math teachers told me that if i didnt i'd HAVE to take it in college and they would make me pay for it but it wouldnt count towards my credits. well its a good thing that's not true.. ESP after im in a class that im failing. it doesnt help that i have babbit. like im really gonna go home and do algebra for an hour. i hate the subject, im not gonna use it later in life, and its making me miserable. yeah.. i could suck it up and try harder and all that jazz.. but im a senior. i just want to get out of here. sorry if im not to concerened with one stupid grade. BUT this one stupid grade is gonna bring down my GPA. thats just GREAT.

i went christmas shopping yesterday... hoping to get it finished, far from that. which further put me in a bad mood. and what do i do when im in a bad mood? i take it out on whoever happens to be around me at that time.... sorry again doll.

i just go through phases where i hate existance.
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