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chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote,
on 1-9-2006 at 7:05pm
my fucking family wears down on me and right now it sucks. Finals are next week and they are gonna be so terrible because my grades are all shitty. I'm actually not doing as bad I originally thought but they still suck. I have to pass the WHAP final or else I have to do like 2 weeks of summer school to make up for a half a semester which is fucking stupid and a waste of time and money.

Michelle is gone which is good news. My parents are still drinking their normal shitloads and getting drunk and beligerent every night which fucks with my head. Sometimes I forget about it or I ignore it for a while and then there are times like these. It hasn't happened for like 3 months now but its hit me with a vegeance (sp). Last night I started thinking too much about my fucked up family and now I just feel like crying curling up into a little ball for a few weeks. My sadness and frustration with the current state of my family is coming out as angry lashes to anyone that says anything remotely angering or whatever. My mom told me to make the salad tonight and I fucking yelled so much. I know I shouldn't and I don't want to but it just comes out. Something sorta forces it out of me . Now that sounds like a shitty excuse to make my behavior justifiable but I'm serious. I just can't fucking figure out why I'm so damn sad...

Monica...my sister....she makes me saddest of all. I was writing about her in my paper journal last night.
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