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mudpiegrl (profile) wrote,
on 1-26-2006 at 9:06pm
Current mood: contemplative
Music: Urinetown - It's a Privilege to Pee
Subject: This Last Week
i got urinetown! wooo!

tomorrow, trix and i are going to look at apartments! woo!

i got the job at yardhouse. Eight dollars an hour. twenty hours a week. that's one-sixty a week. times four is six-forty. that's a lot! woo!

i like my classes. mondays and wednesdays i go from acting to stage makeup (and on wed to molecules in art and life {chemistry}) and then tuesday and thursday i go to theories of personality (psychology) and sociology. im satisfied. :)

um...i've not been hanging out with justin since the stabbing. it's actually been nice. i've been reading and learning and i found that he was slightly impeding, although helpful in the very beginning of our friendship. i should be angry but im not...zak did say something ( i dont even know what) that made me start thinking about it again and i was talking to alfa and i shouldnt care...but it's tougher than it seems. i want to catch him feeling guilty...or knowing that he's wrong i think...because i feel absolutely no remose for what i did and im not angry, nor do i still pine for the child. and a child he is!

i came to discover this by listening to him talk. you know those kids who just keep holding the grudge against their parents for messing them up forever and half ago and since then they've been out of their lives. that's him. the people who deal with their parents everyday dont whine as much. he also repeatedly made the point that he had been through so much, but that really only means drugs, which is not everything in life. he has no self-discovery, but admitted to just recently beginning thought on the topic. interestingly enough, he denied anyone having any impact on him at all, shortly after telling me how his dad had messed him up with his PTSD. interesting, i say, becasue i know that everyone you meet has an impact on you, even if it's the smallest dent. that's not to say you're dependent, which is precisely what justin thinks it means. technically, there's no one who's entirely independent in this modern world. you depend on someone else to make your clothes and connect your calls and build the roads you walk on. someone makes the instruments that your favourite band plays on and someone records those records and someone produces them. someone packages them and ships them; someone puts them on the shelves and someone rings you up. someone invented all the tools and machines necessary to complete such a task, so your dependency has now increased to at least one hundred people. so much for one song, which, he's claimed he has much more than i would dream of having. how pathetically small minded one can be. simply because they are not the bands that he likes does not mean im not constantly listening to music. that's a little on the angry side i think, because an assumption was made with no facts or observations at all. that and it's yet another way to rub his wealth in everyone's face.

ah, yet another thing. how spoiled that child is. he thinks he knows more of the real world than anyone? ha! i know i do not know much, admittedly, but he believes he could completely live on his own. sadly, he lives off of mummy's money more than i live on my parents, which is a lot because of college.

he went on to say that he is one of the only one or two people in the world that lives solely on ambition. "everyone else just wants a family." good god, sir. are you serious? first of all, human is a species of mammal. that means we're an animal. that means that, just as a cow or a bear or an iguana, our duty in life is to procreate. so naturally, everyone would want a family. it's embedded in our psychologies and we've begun to believe we are more than that. but we're just that simple. secondly, you are not the only one with ambition solely because you dont want a family. i know that along with myself, a lot of people do all they can for success before even trying to marry and have kids. i know i will and i know my brother will in the least. so he's no different than anyone in that way, nor is he different from any other emo teenager, as discussed above.

he also said he wants to be famous. but not just for a few years by his family, but by everyone forever. again with the dependency. that means that he's depending on the media to get him out to the public, depending on the public to either like or hate him so much to remember him, depending on someone to write about him in a book, depending on the public to like the book or the author to have revolutionary ideas enough to keep the popularity of the book, and one thousand years from now, depending on someone to think the book is worthy to read and him to remember. he'll do so much and just die. that's what humans do...reproduce and die. not only that, but he said he'd do anything to get what he wants. so, he's willing to kill a guy who wont give him a job. so, he'll probably end up going on a killing spree, then going on the news for his whole fifteen minutes, getting put in jail (maybe euthanised) and maybe be notorious enough to be the "oklahoma city bomber", and if he's really, really lucky, become someone like jack the ripper, who is only famous because his gruesome crimes went unsolved. however, as i've discussed with a few before, i doubt justin would be able to cover his tracks enough to get away with murder.

That's the same thing as my xanga, if you've already read it.
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