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|fadingintoblue (profile) wrote, |
on 3-10-2006 at 1:31am
|Subject: Damn damn damn
|I totally accept that I have issues. I could make a list. I understand my problems. But that doesn't help. I can think about how much I suck all day long, but that isn't going to make anything better.
I just felt like curling into a ball all day long. I've been acting like an ass. No one ever wants to be friends with the depressed person, and I'd really like to avoid high school's vicious cycle. But I'm scared of therapists, my support system is patchy, and my room (the one place I usually feel safe and secure) has been full of people having breakdowns and issues and long conversations that I'm probably not supposed to hear but can't avoid hearing because the walls are too damn thin.
Allison yelled at me for repressing the other day, but I really don't know how one goes about dealing with issues. Thinking about stuff hurts. And going on like I have been I'm not going to have friends soon. I didn't realize that I was going to have so much baggage (especially since I was fine last semester, after I adjusted), and I don't have time to have a fullscale mental breakdown.