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atman (profile) wrote,
on 4-23-2006 at 9:45am
Music: Silence
Subject: Stalling
Oh my gawd, I'm updating my journal within a week of the last time I did it. Let us rejoice!
Actually, I've been up all night, unable to sleep. This insomnia crap really needs to stop, and yet it keeps happening. How I haven't died yet from sleep deprevation is a mystery to me and modern medicine.
This ten page paper of mine has just sat on my desktop all week. I don't want to even bullshit anymore. I want college to be done. I'm only a freshman and I can't stand it any longer. I want some fucking direction, as in what I'm going to do with my life, but I'm not getting it. My advisor has been out all week, as she is an honors advisor, apparently I'm too cool to meet with a normal one.
My grades are lower than...look, I've been up all night, to hell with anyone who wants a clever analogy! I've probably gotten all C's this semester, and I doubt I passed my math class. Its not hard, I just haven't gone in awhile. I've tried, but I miss the memos about class being elsewhere, and all this other crap.
I just want to go home. I'm not ready for maturity and adulthood yet. I figured I wasn't going in, but other than college there isn't a whole hell of a lot I could do otherwise. Go home, get a job, hang out with my friends again, that sort of thing. Go back this fall and maybe get out more and do stuff. Probably go find a girlfriend, if I can. But, I've proven over the past few days that I don't really have it going on with the ladies. Simple questions in class turn into arguments, with me wanting to choke them out of stupidity. I had a problem with a girl in geology class earlier this year, and this is kinda the same dealio, but a different idiot. I'm in my english class, when the teacher says, "Look to the person to your left and discuss abortion." I look to the girl on my left and laugh, and say:
Me: haha, well, I got into a fight earlier this year with another girl on the same subject.
girl: *giggles* Yes, its a highly debated topic
Me: Yea. For the safety of what little of a relationship you and I have now, why don't you tell me your view first?
girl: No, you tell me first. I promise I won't fight with you over something like this.
Me: *I explain my view, and if you haven't heard it before, its that I think it is acceptable depending on many variables. I don't think its the new birth control, but I think in some cases its ok*
girl: *looks at me disgusted* so you believe in brutally slaughtering human lives?
Me: Uhh...if you want to twist words, yes, I guess thats true.
girl: *even more revolted* men are such pigs. This is how unwanted babies get born.
Me: ...did you just blame unwanted children on men?
girl: If you guys could keep it in your pants, this wouldn't be a problem!
Yes, it only got worse from here. "Dickhead", "blind feminist idiot", and other various words were used frequently. After all this, the teacher looked at us and said, "See how it was so difficult to discuss? That is why I don't want you to write essays on these subjects for your final paper." I looked at the girl and laughed, and said:
Me: Well, I guess the moral here is to keep stuff to yourself, or some other crap like that.
Girl: Yes, keep your murderous opinions to yourself. Honestly, if women could reproduce with each other, men would be obsolete.
I'm just stunned girls can be this freakin' stupid. I'm also stunned as to the stupidity of letting students talk to each other about a heated topic like that. I'm also stunned that I FIND ALL THE CRAZY AND STUPID GIRLS!!! Why can't I find one that is like me and says, "Yes, I can see where you are coming from, but in my humble opinion, I believe...". Where are THOSE girls? Are they hiding? Are they all watching as I struggle and laughing? Do they already have boyfriends? Where the HELL are my pants?!
Now I'm just ranting. I blame the zero hours of sleep, and the ten page paper that I haven't really started.
Gar...maybe I should follow mom's advice and get laid.
Anyway, peace out kids.
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