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emo414 (profile) wrote,
on 7-12-2006 at 12:37am
Current mood: contemplative
Subject: Catching Up
So it has been over a year since the last woohu entry and i dont really know what to write about in this online journal of mine. in past journal entries i have discussed my worry concerning frankie and his lifestyle but in this past year all of my previous concerns and what they dealt with have multiplyed in severity by 300 percent. Frankie has been gone for about a week now. he is in utah at a rehab facility, in which his mom shiped him off too with no notice to his friends. just shipped him off one day like an unwanted package. i dont honestly think anyone still reads woohu because it has been forever since the craze of online journals has actually subsided but i dont know where else to write about my thoughts. i have been thinking of frankie pretty much non-stop over the past week and thinking of how i failed him and myself and his mom and sister by letting him get to the point he did. to this day i blame myself for the way he has turned out even though i know you really cant blame yourself for others, i do, especially in the instance of frankie, my bestfriend since first grade. this coming year i will be a senior and now knowing for a fact that frankie will not be back for another six months or more, i wonder what the point of the past 11 years of my life has been when i wont even be able to graduate highschool with my true child hood friend. i think of how much i have truly failed and that i cant even keep the one friend whom i hope is my friend for life in check and how it was me who after he stopped smoking pot for approached him one day saying "i would like to try it.... lets get some bud." i think about how i am the one who brought up the idea of smoking pot and reintroducing it into frankie's life. that is why i blame myself because for me, his best friend, he quit smoking and then for me he started again, and that was the beginning of his downward spiral into a life infused with constant drug and alcohol abuse. even though i know i wont see or talk to him for at least another 5 months and 3 weeks, i still cant help but smile when i think about him because even with all the bad memories and constant worry about what he is doing or who he is hanging out with, i still cant forget the memories that established our friendship, and when he comes home i hope that our friendship will become stronger, the way it used to be, when we used to revolve our lives around the time we spent together. i think this is all i can write about frankie before i get emotionally destrought. so..... bye for now.
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