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|stinko (profile) wrote, |
on 7-26-2006 at 11:45pm
|i am definately in one of those downward spirals as of right now.
the sadness is sweeping in like a cool breeze. it feels nice after trying not to feel. i don't know why i can't make myself leave it. it's almost as if i want to be here alone on the brink of tears. somewhere safe.
i know this place. i have spent many hours alone.
i can't make myself call people. it seems like so much work.
i just wish i could sleep, but it's too hot in my room. if i weren't too scared i would sleep outside. friday my parents leave town. i am happy. not because i want them to leave, but then i won't have to sleep alone. i just wish we could get a house. some days the longing is worse than others. today i fear it is worse. all i want is to fall asleep next to him and wake up the same way. no more sleepless nights, no more anxiety, no more loneliness.
isn't it odd that whenever you are sad and the music is on shuffle, the most depressing songs always play. it never fails.
this is what worries me the most. nothing went wrong today. nothing. there is absolutely no reason for me to be so worked up. i had servesafe class which means i basically got paid to do nothing, and i know i passed the stupid test for it. i didn't get lost. robby wasn't mad about me crying over the phone last night and being unfair, in fact he took me out for lunch. i went shopping with sarah and spent money that wasn't mine. nothing went wrong.
so what is the deal?