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brucerey43 (profile) wrote,
on 8-11-2006 at 1:43am
Current mood: peaceful
Yesterday I got a surprise from someone, well not really but I hadn't talked to Adrienne in a while so we talked through texting. I wanted to try and do something tonight/last night ie. Thursday night and she said she wasn't feeling well so were gonna try for Monday. I think she thinks I like her or something, I get the impression sometimes that she wants to keep me at arms length for whatever reason. Not that thats not entirely not true, but i realize that shes with Nate and I certainly have other people who I am closer to and would prefer a relationship with. Like with Dee, she never plays games and stuff and she understands me a lot better. Or with Jess, I mean she really does care about me and we have a lot of history. Not really going to get into it in on here but basically theres distance and theres charles and if wasn't for those two things then we would probably be together and theres little doubt in my mind about that. The distance is hard though, with some of the stuff im going through I really need someone here in fla. even if its just a close friend. Working on sending my mom back to work, she really needs to. Out of my $5600 from the college, I will have less than $1000 left after this month and its bullshit. She always throws shit up to me and argues with me and lies and I finally have had it. I think the only thing that will make her happy is money, and she will never have that. Shes 52 and never saved a dime in her life, and unforunately that limits what im able to do for her because im 19 and struggling to make it through college with grants and scholarhips and i dont make enough to keep paying her shit. I'm not all crazy like i was the other night, but i still do feel really alone in dealing with all of this. My family is useless, especially my brother who I haven't in seen in probably a month. Let alone anyone give me any financial help at all. I'm just so frustrated because I would probably have $8000-$9000 dollars in the bank right now if it wasn't for this. The first few months after my moms stroke all I did was cry and mope and be worried and depressed constantly, im not as depressed as then though. I know I won't run out of money because i refuse to let it happen, I will leave long before it gets to that.
peace out
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