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Jacqui-Chan (profile) wrote,
on 9-19-2006 at 9:06pm
Current mood: drained
Subject: Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head.
So things were a bit better today. Josh had his car back. The notebook wasn't the one with the songs, his dad just wanted him to think it was. He had his phone back, and now he's just grounded. He went to taco bell with Ron after school and was SO excited. He said if his parents found out, though, he'd be shot. He still has to move out immediately upon turning 18. I don't get it. How can you be that terrible to your child. Especially after the crazy terrible mistakes you made? Honestly! It's just stupid!!
I didn't tell my parents. I couldn't do it. I kept thinking "they love me and are proud of me now... they won't be if/ when they find out." I guess Josh told his parents that I told mine though, and they made it sound like they'd talked to my parents already. But they haven't. They couldn't have, my parents would not be the type to wait for me to admit it. That flat out shoot me. I don't know what to think I guess. I just want everything to be back to normal. I almost stopped by his house on the way to work to say "hey" to Tyler (he was in the yard with Zeke), but then I realized I'm not allowed there at all anymore. So I waved as I passed, it sucked. It sucks that they've lost all respect and love for me. It sucks knowing that I lost what I'd just recently gained, and it sucks even more because it was over something stupid that I didn't need to do.
Ugh, I still shiver when I think about it. I can't stand the tone that his dad had, or the look of dissappointment on his face. I hate the scared and sad look in Josh's eyes. I hate the look he had when he was trying to pretend that everything was okay, when I knew nothing was. I hate remembering all of it, but I can't make it go away. This just sucks. I love him, and loving someone should not cause this many problems.

Anyway, I should jet. Love you guys. Thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it. You rock.

-Jay-
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