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|BrownIedMissJ (profile) wrote, |
on 11-12-2006 at 7:02am
|Current mood: Unsure
Music: tv background noise
Subject: an electronic diary entry
|last one was a test....
Well it's a bright sunny Sunday morning and here i am at home. Nothing real important going on, just thought i'd write in this ol' thang....
Woohu has been there for sum real times in my life, boi o boi
A first "love" and a second (and yes quotes are essential)
^ speaking on that i feel so stressed, beyond belief type stress. Like wat would have happened if i wasn't so tied up in the past and i was happier with something i really wanted instead of liein to myself and growning in love/like with ppl........
boo whoo tear wtf- ever.... :(
I wish i was the type of person to give into my id once in a while and act on impulse and just not think about wat could happen and just go for what i want.......i think i missout on sooo much that way but i don't know what i miss out on b/c my mind can barely branch out enuff to think about possibilities.........
newho and college
^ even more stress because i'm not sure wat to do with this whole thing there is only one place i want to be and i think well i don't want to just apply newhere, but i'm starting to realize that i have to do double work i've been doin b/c application time is narrowing down......no lateness and no holiday stressin
^ i'm just about 18 and unsaved i feel embarassed to say it... i don't feel as if i inderstand completly wat it means...i know im protected but i thought if i confess my love of god it's all set and done........ which i do im not ashamed and i let ppl know..ut when im in church and they do alter calls and say if u have not confessed your love of god or w/e i think every single eye is on me....even though it's not. dramatic to say but i can feel it, i guess thats just insecurity working me over. I sit there and i think let me go up there but i have a bible and i go to church i feel as if i look to god with my questions and stuff but i just am rediculously lost. And when im sitttn in the seats listening to the preacher and he says things like Halloween in wrong, gay/lesbian is wrong, abortion is wrong, and then jumps in politics ex. "don't vote based on color vote based on the issues and those who are deffending god". I don't agree with it
kids don't c halloween as the devils holiday when u put ideas in there heads saying how evil it is u poison them and take away there innocence....no one says christmas is wrong but kids look foward to a fat white man going down the chimney and bringing them gifts......... not as a faithfull celebration
even thought it's not my preference, i don't c homosexuality as a problem i c it as a lifestyle. by sumone standing infornt of hundreds of ppl in a place of god and sayin loving another person is worng, what kind of message is that...... u may not like what they do but u can't hate who they are
i don't like abortion but i won't tell someone they shouldn't do it....lots of ppl have no one to turn to in situations like that and despite other choices some ppl aren't fortunate enuff to have them
and don't tell me who i should vote for....... if you start tryin to minipulate how ppl will vote and change the outcome of the races it isn't their vote anymore it's pastor "such and such's" vote. I don't want to stand in that little booth saying to myself well i could ote him but pastor says the idea of yadda yadda is wrong..........i want to have a clear level head and base my choice on what i believe/know/base my life on
and after i typed all that i still want to go to church and hope one day i'll hear a message that will forever change my life for the better and give me a clear cut answer to my faith, love life or career. I don't have sumone to turn to and ask "wat should i do to be saved" or "if really don't mind what college i go to so long as i go, does that mean im undetermined" or "should i go for what i want and not be so afraid of what the outcome could be"