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|caity_024 (profile) wrote, |
on 12-17-2006 at 2:49am
|I got home today. And in sitting here, relaxing on my bed and listening to quiet music, I realized something. This semester has made me a happier person than i have EVER been. I have no specific reason to be happy. I didn't pull the best grades, I've lost 2 friends to stupid arguments, I haven't landed a spectacular love interest, and I haven't made a shitton of money. But I smile more now than at any other time i can think of. I'm just HAPPY. I've decided ben breaking up with me last year was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me, even though it was hard at the time. I was freed of all the restrictions, all the mistrusts, free to just RELAX! He made a comment a few weeks ago that he actually felt a little bad because i haven't seemed happy since we broke up. I read the comment and just kind of laughed, because it shows me how little he knows about me anymore. How much i laugh.....how much i smile....how much i love. But in fair argument, he hasn't had much a chance to know me after we broke up, which is understandable. When i do talk to him, we usually get on the relationships topic, and obviously, things with eric have for sure had their ups and downs. And other than that, he doesn't see much. But that's ok. :-) It's a little sad that i can't show him just how happy i am.....spread it around a little...but sometimes thats just the way things work out, hey?
I'm not entirely sure I enjoy the fact that I'm back in Marengo. Don't get me wrong. it's GREAT to see my mom and my brother and my cats and kelly. And it will be a blast when me, tricia, and brooke bring our bests (kelly of course for me!) out to dinner and a movie with us. But at the same time....I already find myself missing the random dinners, the movie nights, the late night talks about religion or peanut butter. And missing the sunsets....and the view from the chairlift of the lakefront. I feel bad that I already miss it....feel like i should want to be home more. But all Marengo really holds for me is too much drama. I've already heard half the latest gossip and I've only been home for a few hours. And I honestly just don't care about that anymore. I'd rather enjoy the company of the people around me and hear what's going on in THEIR lives, not everyone else's. however, on my optimistic side......being home makes me appreciate everything i have in marquette that much more. :-)
Life has been good the past few weeks. There are a couple of interesting things up in the air...one being my ochem grade....I think i'm just going to retake the class anyway...I didn't understand half of what I did in that class and it's for my MAJOR! The other being Eric of course, because we never end. We've been really close the past week or so. I've had alot of my doubts proven exceptionally wrong, which has been spectacular. I can't say if we'll actually get together at this point...and no, there hasn't been anything sexual....but things have been really good. And i'm glad for it....his friendship means quite a bit to me. He's always 100% honest with me, and we can goof off like the best of them. Kelly's not too happy about the good streak...she's still stuck on him being an ass. But like i said....i've had alot of doubts proven wrong.
Me and tricia's friendship has been amazing lately too. I absolutely love that girl to death. She's irritatingly honest with me and expects the same from me. I think we complement each other really well. We balance each other's personalities out and have become close enough that even arguments haven't hurt us yet....and we've gotten into a bit. But I'm glad our friendship has become so tight. I know Brooke gets jealous sometimes (even though their friendships could never compete....i love them both equally), but I'm pretty sure I couldn't ask for a much better friend out of Tricia. Really amazes me somtimes.... :-)
There's one exciting part to this next 3 weeks that I'm home (I'm leaving a week early so it's not 4 weeks): villa olivia is ON MY WAY HOME! It's a ski resort and it's open late...>SOO, i should be able to get out on my board at least 2 or 3 times! :-) They open on friday hopefully for skiing, and even though that cuts off another week, it'll still be good to get some runs in before hitting mqtmtn again. Eric and LP promised that they'd make sure i could hit a rail and do a jump 360 by the end of the season :-D. I've actually gotten surprisingly better this season already. I have ALOT more confidence, which is really all it takes!! I continuously make it down the run without falling at all now. I'm having a bit of trouble riding toeside this winter, which I can't explain, because I was fine with it last season, but it's just something else to improve. PLUS....boarding this year has ultimately proved to be my new stress relief...there's something so soothing and freeing about strapping in and flying down the hill. :-D
sweetest dreams <3