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sendmemoney (profile) wrote,
on 12-25-2006 at 3:33am
Subject: lesson learned ! can't wait for the next one
i never really considered it putting up walls but i guess that's what it really is .. i don't know why i thought that you'd be any different or that i could even begin to sort out this mess of emotions i have ready to burst out of my skull and explain to you what's in my head because it's not fair that i can't i just fucking can't and you don't understand and i get so close but it never comes out because i think once i say one word in the wrong direction it's going to explode and everything i've ever done will be wrong and i don't want to just be this way anymore and it's not fair that i can't do it it's not fair i just want you to be there for me and try to understand but instead you sit and grin and bear five minutes with me so that maybe you can get some tonight and don't even try to hide it and that's what fucking hurts that's what it is that's exactly what it fucking is and i dont want to deal with it ever again in my life of course not like it would come up anyway but just in case just so you know not me not happening and if its walls then its walls and if its irrational then so be it but fuck i'm not doing this again it's not happening you better learn girl get your shit together because it'll happen next time you're not careful if not for one reason then another damaged goods is the most appropriate term really and dead fucking on hit the nail on the goddamn head

you know though
it's better this way
it's not making love if you're not in love and it's not just sex with that trace of emotion lingering but don't worry i think it's pretty clear what it is ! because there's no trace of emotion anywhere mm mm no way not here i don't know why you'd even ask

better to just drop me off so that's what you did merry christmas to me it was going too good you know haha duh silly girl get your act together be on point because tonight is just the beginning of ten million more nights just like this
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