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fadingintoblue (profile) wrote,
on 2-15-2007 at 10:15pm
Things suck. I suck. I don't know, but I keep wanting to cry, and I get jealous when I see other people hanging out with each other or saying things like "we need to get together sometime soon; I miss you" because I'm not hanging out with other people and it's because they don't want to and I'm too timid to press the point especially when I think I'm going to be rejected.

And I talked to Allison last night for awhile, and she told me that while therapy may or may not be a good idea, going at Goucher isn't. They kicked someone out of Sondheim last year for mental issues and said she had to live off campus, and Allison thinks that for something to be effective there shouldn't be a constant warning of being kicked out of the dorms or Goucher altogether (which they have done). So that's out, I suppose, because part of what I want to talk about are self-destructive and suicidal thoughts (not that I act on them, but I don't want to worry about someone misunderstanding).

And I sorta want to talk to Clare, but while she's awesome she's not the kind of friend I can talk to about this sort of thing. She's noticed my mood, and given me hugs over the past week, but that's it.

I shouldn't be this unhappy. I really shouldn't, and I shouldn't be worrying anyone about it, particularly Clare because I can't even give her details. And all the people I talk to are far away, and I shouldn't be worrying them either (sorry Katie) because there's nothing wrong except that I feel like crap and suck at socializing and making/keeping friends.
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