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|fadingintoblue (profile) wrote, |
on 4-28-2007 at 1:58am
|Every once in a while, I get ambitious.
I want to be a great poet, or at least a good one. I want to be influential in politics. I want to research and write and do good work for something I believe in. I want to be happy. I want to work past how shy and awkward and anxious I sometimes am (and I'm totally working on it, going to Mexico's going to be a huge step). I want to be comfortable being beautiful, because I am, really, but I consciously hide it sometimes.
I totally have this naive dream of changing the world, and, for some reason, I'm currently feeling optimistic. I have a lot of good qualities going for me. What I have an issue with is actually showing people what I'm capable with. Clare had no clue until recently that I can actually talk in front of groups, and even my parents seemed a little taken aback that I applied to (and got into) Mexico.
And it bothers me, sometimes, that even my best friends seem to shortchange me sometimes. But I know that it's my own fault, because I'm constantly downplaying my own skills and letting other people take over even when I have something to say. So I'm making a sort of midyear resolution to stop that. Because I'm sorta sick of always being in the background and not being influential enough to help anyone.