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star-sailor (profile) wrote,
on 5-13-2008 at 1:32pm
Current mood: thoughtful
Music: Head Against The Sky - Eisley
Subject: Tell Me Honest, Dear
Things change oh so fast in this life I call a life, reader.
They're quite tumultuous. They're quite confusing.
All in all, I haven't the faintest idea how I should deal with these situations that keep popping out of every angle - every aspect - around me, but I think I know how to deal. We'll see, I suppose.

I'll be honest now. I've been with the after-school program at my mom's school for about four months or so now. I love the program. I feel like I'm actually contributing to society somehow. Like I'm more than just a nameless face serving the masses; I'm a face with a name, and my job is important. Someone needs to fill my position; someone needs to take care of kids, and I'm taking care of them.

But I was informed that I was not apparently doing well in my position (in other people's opinions) at work.

Subject: Official Warning

Over the past 3 months, I and the other teacher have given you several guidelines on how to interact with the students. These are the areas that you still need improvement in.
*Having the students listen to you and respect your authority.
*Professional behaviour with students.
*Following the after school rules for discipline.
*Helping the staff and students without being prompted.
*Getting lessons done in a timely manner.

...If in the next three weeks, I do not see an acceptable amount of improvement in these areas, you will not be rehired for the 2008-2009 school year.

That's what the letter to me said. Now, I think I'm doing a great job, and as sad as it is to say, the people observing me have caught me at bad times. Now, I won't go into detail about all of these "faults" I have at my work. I will express that it seems a bit over-perfectionist to me, and reminds me of when I once almost was fired from Marble Slab. But that's a different story.

I'm trying to work on these "faults" of mine, reader, because I really want this job. Will I be heartbroken if I do get fired? No, not really. As much as I like the job, and as much as I'd like to keep the job (and the pay), I know that I have done an excellent job. I know that when these observers aren't looking, I'm doing an excellent job. If they expect perfection from me in a specific area within four days, and have given me minimal training in said area prior to the onset of responsibility, then I am doing a bang-up job, and they can't hold grudges like this against me. I'm doing everything in my power to keep my job, but I won't cry a river if I lose it. Hope for me, though.

I had a very emotional day yesterday. This weekend has been one of those, how do they say, reader? An emotional rollercoaster. I am very emotional. That's just how I roll, and that's something I'll never change. Maybe I read into details too much. Or maybe I'm too emotional sometimes. But that's just how I operate. In any case, a series of unusual events has brought me today, where I am thoroughly introspective over different aspects of my current situation. It's all quite stressful, but I know if I have a heart-to-heart with a certain heart, I may be able to get things settled out.

I know I am happy now, though sometimes you won't see me smiling. I know I am glad to be where I am, even though I'm not the most enthusiastic all the time. I know how I want this situation to be resolved, but I didn't plan fate out. I know how I'm going to try and settle all of this. Hopefully that will work. Hopefully. And if things don't follow in my favour - if things don't work out in the way I pray, I pray, I pray they do - if the way I am now - yesterday, today, and tomorrow - is shattered before your eyes and you gaze upon me as I pick up the pieces, well that's okay.

Things are changing in my life, reader. They're tumultuous. They're quite confusing. But I'm not going to hide from them - I'll take them head on. And hope for the best. I really really hope for the best now. But isn't that the same for all of us? We hope for the best in passing all our classes at school. We hope for the best when we drive in our cars, that we won't get into a wreck. We hope for the best, when call someone on the phone, our heart racing as we wait for them to answer. I hope for the best when the time comes. I really do. Til next time, reader, wish me well. I need well wishes.
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