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|aaron (profile) wrote, |
on 6-11-2008 at 11:41am
|Current mood: angry
|I'm not sure what makes me so angry. In truth, I just want to be able to enjoy it like a normal person. At a distance, from a calm, inactive standpoint. Mentally passive observation, acknowledging it's presence and accepting the benefit of that, but not experiencing the mess that comes with it.
I can sort of coax myself into it...but what happens if I stop paying attention, cut off the effort? Do I fall back into hate and rage, or does my soul linger in the vibrant, energetic comfort of the situation?
Or is it all just fear, and I a coward?
Do you ever write something and not understand why? This whole passage begs a question, and it's one that I can't answer for anyone who would be reading this. And yet I want someone to know, even if they don't understand.
But what I really want is for someone to understand.