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blackecho101 (profile) wrote,
on 6-25-2008 at 10:08pm
Current mood: Distraught
Music: Incubus (as always)
Distraught - agitated with doubt or mental conflict or pain

tell me thats not a perfect way to describe my life right now.
god i dont want to end anything that might be savable.
i dont understand why i can go without her when im not thinking about doing it, but as soon as i think about actually going on without her i freak. every time i think about us being with anyone else i just want to cry. i dont ever want to see her with anyone else unless she isnt happy with me, which is how i kind of feel right now. maybe im not helping the situation by always having the idea of us breaking up on my mind, but god damnit man, we havent spent even part of a day together in weeks. what am i supposed to think? its been prob a month since this shit started and it isnt getting any better. how much of my time should i sacrifice before its just a waste? yeah, who am i kidding, what better option do i have? i havent shown any interest in any girl but her for the past year and a half and thats about how much interest ive gotten back. i dont even know any girls that i dont look at like a sister or one of the guys. but hell, why should i? i had everything i ever needed in a girl, and now i don't anymore. i am the master of losing everything that makes me happy. and you know what? i dont think im making her happy anymore, so maybe we do need to put an end to this sorry excuse for a relationship. but, on the other hand, she isnt making me happy anymore either, and all she has to do is walk through the door. on top of that, if this does end, my biggest fear is how long it will take for me to be happy again, and the fact that maybe i wont. ive always felt she was the only person that could make me happy no matter what, and what im just coming to realize, i still believe that. and if i still believe that she is my main source of happiness, and the fact that since our relationship went downhill i havent been happy only backs that up, then how can i ever bring myself to break up with her and doom myself to depression? god DAMNIT i need some lithium.

My hands are trembling
And my eyes are on fire
This house is crumbling
Left brain, left out, on the wire

You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph

My past is perilous
But each scar I bear sings
Monuments to where I have been
And melodies to where I am going

You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph

When will I see you again?
Still-life can only go so far
I need you in front of me
Saying my name
Saying to me...
"I want you the way you are
You, the way you are"

You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph
You make me happy
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