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faerin (profile) wrote,
on 7-4-2008 at 4:58am
Current mood: artistic
Music: "Love Again" by Cascada
Subject: I need something to sing about...
This woohu... is becoming my sanctuary... >.>

It's like, this is the one place I can come to rant when I have no one to rant to, or when I just don't feel like involving those in my everyday life with my problems. xD

Yeah, it's like that.

I'm just in a meh sort of mood right now. I do feel a bit better now than when I originally clicked to update my journal for the day though. Hahaha. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm finally about to be the only one in the house awake. I feel like singing tonight. Maybe I'll get something new up on the ol' music myspace that isn't going anywhere. Lmao!

I want to sing. That's all I want to do anymore. Sure, I'm going to school for interactive media [web design, if you will] and digital video, so that way I can actually get a decent job when I'm out on my own, and while those are things I truly enjoy doing [even just for recreational purposes], music is my dream career. I've sang passionately ever since I was three years old and massively obsessed with The Little Mermaid. XD I suppose that means that this is something I've done and wanted to do for 15 years now, and it's something I'll continue doing until the day I die.

Everyone I know says I have a really nice voice, but it hasn't gotten me anywhere yet. I don't have the money for vocal lessons and I suppose I'm just not in the right places to get "discovered". Hahaha. But yeah, I have a music myspace and I collab with John who makes some pretty kick ass music with his keyboards and his computer. :D

Here is a link to it if by any chance anyone out there is interested. :P Most of the songs up there are just random covers with my first ever original piece, music by John, lyrics and vocals by me. It's not all that great because I had to sing in front of John which made me really nervous and that's the first take of it. Lmao!

Fortunately, I suppose writing is one of those things I'm half decent at to, when I have the proper inspiration. What sucks is that when I don't have the inspiration, I can't really write anything all that well. A lot of my good songs come out when I'm pissed at someone. For example, here's a poem I wrote for an ex when I was very upset with him:

"There's an icy cold fire burning in your heart
An inferno from an anger, tearing you apart
There's an icy cold fire burning in your eyes
A soul I do not hesitate to say that I despise

There's an icy cold fire running through your veins
An eternity of solitude has driven you insane
There's an icy cold fire you surely cannot hide
Your hideous monstrosity is killing me inside

I cannot wait to see the day when it's you who are alone
I cannot wait to see when it is you who feels so cold
The days and years draw closer every day
And I know that soon enough you'll pay

All the pain I was caused was only in your name
An icy cold fire raging wild and untamed
Your cruelty was like that that knew no end
The love of some young child who only made pretend

I pulled the plug on all the games you played
I threw down the sewer every promise that you made
Locked away those feelings you only burnt to ashes
Waiting for the day when your whole world crashes

Never knew before
Just how it felt inside
To see a sickening whore
Be killed by his own lies

Now you're dead to me
A name in some old book
A faded page that destiny
Just must have overlooked

Where you are I do not know
And truly I don't care
If ever a wish that fate bestowes
Never let me wander there

A sick and twisted pleasure
I'm taking in your pain
But all the torment cannot measure
How you drove me insane

I see that crooked smile
So sweetly on your face
Even it takes a while
I'll rid of every trace

If heaven gets me through this
And hell can help along on the way
I know that in the dark abyss
Is where you'll end your days

I know you never cared
You show it oh so well
You're the worst form of ugly
And I hope you burn in hell

Hate to see you with that smile
Laughing on your throne
But in the end its all okay
Because I know you'll die alone"

Copyright of myself. o.o

But yeah, aside from the angsty poem above, I typically love writing, either fictional stories or poems/lyrics. It's my other true passion and I need to start doing it more. So yeah, that's why the life of a musician is the one I truly want to lead. I also have been playing electric guitar for about seven months now with lessons once a week and I love it. I don't love it as much as singing, nor am I as good at it as singing, but I love it so much.

I hope that getting better and better will get me and my voice some attention in this crazy industry. I'm not just going to live a mediocre life NOT doing what I love. Even if it's only in a small, not well-known band [although I do hope I will be well-known someday] I'll be happy with it because it's just doing what I love. I only get one life. I'm not going to waste it away working some office job for the rest of my life. Fuck that. Just. No. That's not the way I'm going to live.

Music, writing, art, video, web. Those are my five key passions, assuming that photography fits under art. If not, then that makes it six. Technically all of that can be considered art. Meh. I'm not getting technical. The morning's drawing on fast and I want to sing before I get too tired and sound like crap. xD

- Fae
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