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|caity_024 (profile) wrote, |
on 7-5-2008 at 4:28pm
|Talk about a depressing month. and it's only the 5th day. Eric told me he needed a break. He said he doesn't know what he wants and he needs to just be alone and htink for awhile. From 350 miles away. And everyone knows that basically every couple that goes on a break, breaks up. It's like a little baby stepping stone. Another guy is sitting around trying to decide if i'm worth the wait. Why is it such a big decision??? He said i'm the greatest thing that's ever happened to him.......and yeah, it's harder than hell not sleeping next to him at night, not kissing him, not snuggling up to watch movies and be lazy, or get drunk and go for long walks.....but at some point, i just decided he was worth it. That what i found was worth suffering trhough a year of only seeing him a handful of times. I don't know what to do. I can't call him or talk to him now until he decides he's ready. I told him i'd give him time. Yet he comes on aim to tell me he's paid his half of the phone bill late....like i care. I felt like his business partner. i wanted to call him and just scream at him not to give up on me. But how pathetic is that.
I just feel like he's going to decide i'm not worth it. That he can't deal with waiting for me. And he'll go around getting drunk and fucking girls to get over it....and he'll love it. I know that's at least a little ridiculous, but i'm hurting and that's the image my fucked mind is giving me. I don't know what to do. I KNOW he's going through a tough time right now. He's left EVERYTHING he knew. And his roomates aren't home that often....so my guess is he comes home every night, either goes out or stays in and if he stays in he probably has a beer and just thinks aobut everything and misses me. That could be very conceited and selfish....but i know he overanalyzes everything just as much as i do. who knows. but i do hate this waiting game....i hate not being able to help him.
i could be more fucked up though.....one of my friends found out this guy she's been talking to and dating (although they never met in person so i don't consider truly dating) for like 3 months has lied to her about his entire life. He said he lives in Seattle, he's rich, he doesn't have a cell phone because he lost it, his name is brian, and he loves her. Really, he lives in marquette, couldn't give her his cell because it was an Mqt area code, isn't rich at all, is named MIKE, and was apparently doing part of this for a bet (but he really decided he liked her alot)......yikes.
ugh. thank god for alcohol......it's time to go get ready for another night of drinking myself into a nice fuzzy oblivion. thank god for friends who buy me bottles of tequila and then help me into bed.