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duckie (profile) wrote,
on 8-7-2008 at 7:29am
First off: I hate Shawn.
Second? I think I now hate Amber and Amanda as much as I hate Shawn.

They're all friends or whatever on Facebook.

RECAP. I originally stopped hanging out with the girls because of Shawn. He didn't want me drinking all the time or smoking pot -- Fair enough. It's not a healthy lifestyle, not gonna lie. However, I could have handled things my way instead of the way that he wanted them handled. So we lost touch. I tried getting in touch with them SO MANY TIMES, and Shawn just fucking walks in and friends them like it's nothing.

IT'S NOT NOTHING. I had some of the best fucking times of my LIFE with those people, and memories that I couldn't burn out of my mind if I tried. They were there for me through my darkest days; they were the ONLY ones that were there. They were my family when I was certain that mine had turned on me, and they kept me sane.

I cannot describe the immense feeling of hurt that is coursing through my blood right now. I feel completely betrayed. COMPLETELY betrayed.

Of course when it boils down to it, it's my fault. All of it is my fault. I was vulnerable, and impressionable, so I listened to someone that I thought could have been looking out for me, and I think he was; he just didn't know the proper way to handle things.

The worst part is that I can't get rid of them no matter how hard I try. I can't forget them because they're EVERYWHERE. We all have mutual friends, people always fucking ask me if I've seen them, talked to them, heard from them. I can't get away, and the only way to do it is to completely let go of Waukesha and EVERYONE who I was friends with there, which isn't an option because that means losing Chassa which I can't/won't do.

Shawn claimed that he added Amber to find out what happened between us, and then Amanda just added him later. I sent him a text, and he said "who is this." REALLY. Is he seriously going to play fucking games with me?

I have to throw up.
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