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caity_024 (profile) wrote,
on 11-12-2008 at 10:58pm
Dear Joe....

Why am I writing to someone who died? I'm not sure, but maybe you can be the one person who understands why I'm sad. No, I haven't known you for very long, and no, I didn't go to highschool with you and share all those memories. But why can't I be sad?? Why can't I cry that my boyfriend's best friend, someone who has treated me like a sister or a close friend, is gone? Why can't I be hurt that someone like you isn't in my life anymore?? It's true I only saw you once a month or so....every time i saw Eric. But damnit, it makes me sad that you're gone. That you're not going to be there every time I go home. That you won't be around with some crazy story or antic to liven up the night. That your smile won't light up my camera at the bar. That I'll never see your gorgeous body again ;-). It does hurt, and it makes me cry, and it breaks me down. It hurts that people don't think i should be sad. You had an impact on my life. You brightened it. You made me smile and welcomed me into your circle of friends and love without a second thought. It breaks my heart that you're gone. I still can't believe it. I can't understand it. But now I'm going to put up a wall. Because your 'brother' needs it from me. He doesn't understand my sadness and he needs strength from somewhere. And really I think you'd be pissed that I was so upset. You'd tell me that I was being silly, and you'd tell me to take care of your boy. And that's what I'm gonna do. Tough it out no matter what. I'm not sorry that I have had such a deep love for you. You touched my heart and you'll never leave it, no matter how short of a time I knew you. You're the sweetest guy I've ever met, and a badass to boot. You'll always be in my thoughts. Live life 24-7 babe. <3

Dear Eric....

Your best friend died Friday. Not only your best friend, but your nearly lifelong friend, your brother, your birthday buddy, your roomate, your lifeline. I can't imagine it. And I'm sad. Sadder than I know you realize. You don't know why I'm sad. But I'm terribly sad.....broken-hearted that a guy like Joe is gone. I'm sad that I'll never see you two crazy boys wrestling drunk on the floor. Sad for so many ridiculous reasons like that. But you don't get it. And I don't expect you to. You're pain is different than mine. I'm not going to try to touch on yours. But mine is a pain that comes from meeting someone who lit up my life in the tiniest and brightest way. It's a pain that stems from knowing someone (even if it's only been for a year and a half) who loves life entirely, respects life, goes out and LIVES, only to die in a freak accident that is really still a dream to everyone. It affects me because I looked forward to seeing Joe as much as you when I came home. It affects me because I loved sitting around and just chatting with him, listening to him talk, in awe of how much he loved everything around him, no matter how tough life was at that moment. It hurts me. But like i said earlier, to Joe, wherever he is, I'm building a wall. A wall for this weekend....a wall for the next numerous months as you work through your pain. I just don't think you need my pain in there right now. I can tell you don't get it, and I don't want you to be pushed away. Joe would want you to get your ass in have a good time, to live life up to the fullest. And that's going to be hard. Hard and painful and LONG. But I hope with time, you will get better. And I hope I can help. And I hope Joe can help you. Reach out to you and give you some of his neverending love, neverending passion. That is, if he's not too busy jammin out in heaven. but I know he won't be. Not too busy for you. I don't know about your other friends, but you and Joe really were brothers. In basically every sense of the word. And I'll be there for you, to help in whatever way you'll let me. I love you. <3

Only the good die young. RIP Joe 7/25/86---11/8/08
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