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cokelesspunk (profile) wrote,
on 12-4-2008 at 1:18am
things have progressed in a strange way. brian and i are not together anymore. its almost been a month. i miss the piss out of that boy. i fucking miss him.
and dale and i .. i dont know. we hold hands and we kiss sometimes and we talk.. and ive been just cool about it. this morning was a little different cause sober he wanted to hold my hand. hes goin through a lot of shit and i feel bad for him. i think hes flat out being fucked over. i think shes cheating on him. ill bet she is. im a girl.. i know girls.. and shes taking advantage of it cause she knows he wont go anywhere. she knows that hes weak. i love that boy though. and i finally finally i think have a good grip on those feelings for him. he said he was sorry lastnight for pushing me back and forth with wanting to kiss me and then go home to tasha. i just told him it was okay. and i think i am okay with it. i dont think hes using me.. i think i could be using him. maybe it could be called that.. but i do care very much about him. i infact love him. i always have and always will. but somehow its not bothering me that hes doing what ever he is doing.. and that i get stolen and illegitimate kisses and hugs and hand holding. i like it. its something to look forward to. and it doesnt always happen. ive went there and totally not even really talked to him. and its okay. i just really hope my brain doesnt fuck me over on this. im okay with this right now. i cry about brian.. i do miss him. and i do think he has a place in my heart. but fuck him. fuck him. he never cared. and thats not my fault. my friend jessi almost died.. her and her stupid hippie boyfriend were drunk driving at 1030am.. and hit and killed a 66 year old lady. heather said something about maybe going and seeing her tomorrow ... shes getting surgery on her hip.
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