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|darksworddancer (profile) wrote, |
on 4-3-2009 at 4:32pm
|Music: Goodbye Love- Rent
|So...as of late some things have happend. I'n one of my last entrys i said that i had walls still up...welll...those are gone.
Cause i got over one and the other feel down in an attempt to crush me but a good guy pulled me out from under it just in time haha.
So now what?
I'm free. :) Its a strange feeling, let me tell you, being able to e yourself and be HAPPY- its really new to me but awesome.
I dunno, i learning a ton about myself, which is good but i also think i'm losing a peice of myself at the same time. I'm terrified too.
I've had my fair share of crapy relationships and a chunch of that was because i was so wrappped up in a different concept that i really wasn't IN a relationship each time.
Anyways now i've developed a big intamacy problem. Like....i freak out a little. And its super frustrating to want something but as sooon as you get it your brain goes into overdrive and freaks out! WHERE THE HELL IS THIS COMMING FROM?
On top of that I've become very lonely yet surrounded by friends all at the same time. I havent been like that in a long time.I love the people i know, i love my friends but i really just want someone to cuddel with right now, no strings, no akwardness, no end game plan, just innocent cuddeling and talking.
Just someone to KNOW. I'm tired of stupid boys just wanting in your pants- thats really frustrating. Plus i dont really want a serious relationship- just a guy who is happy, kinda, and protective. No more project boys, no more bad boys (for a bit haha) just someone pretty well balanced and open minded.
A lot of that dosnt make any sense.
Ashley is trying to hook me up with the guy she commited adultry with. O.o WTF woman- that dosnt make anysense.
I'm really digging woohu right now. Its like this: my facebook/myspace/whatever-else is the packaging. The flash and sparkle and drama filled fun girl. But here...this is the real product, the ingredients, me. And only a few people know about it which makes it even better cause i trust those 2 the most and they uinderstand me more then most.
I love this little safe haven. :)
One of my favorite memories of the past months is driving back from Ryans dam with Casey and Lauren, Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting in the speakers and the huge sky above/ around us, wind blasting through my hair, sun beating down on my face and us belting the lyrics to "Shes Only 18."
That will stick with me for a long time.
I miss Jessika. and I miss Nick. and Paul.
They are the best people to hang with, low key, fun and they deal with my random wants. I got such a kick out of hearing how Nick dosnt care for bowling or skating yet he still goes with us. And the weird web thing jessika and i have going on and Pauls total and rediculous naive nature.
New Years Eve was awesome this year.
Actually this past year in general has been kinda epic in the way of change, decisions and trust.
I just hope it ends well.