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squallet (profile) wrote,
on 11-26-2009 at 5:34am
Current mood: bouncy
Music: "In My Life" by The Rasmus
Subject: That's one violent fucking cow... o.o
So I'm in a relatively good mood right about now.
Oh, and yes, Mike totally infiltrated my journal for that last post. :3

Anyway, I've been up all night playing Runescape, because I'm a massive nerd. I spent a bunch of time just sitting around killing cows... It raised my defense a level though, so I can't complain. Hahaha.

Wow, how random is that?

I suppose if I'm going to post an update, it should probably have some kind of actual meaning and not just be about me mercilessly slaughtering poor cows on Runescape.

My life... is so... Idk. Tragically beautiful sometimes. I hate it but I love it. I mostly just hate it because I feel like a massive waste of life. It's because I've been out of school for so long. o.o BUT I'm registered to return in January! I can't wait! :3 And to think, I only took off for one semester! It almost drove me crazy!! But I got to spend a ton of time with Mike, which made it all worthwhile! :]

I'm so crazy about him. <3 Like... what we have is so precious and amazing. We always work things out before they can turn into arguements, so we don't waste time pointlessly fighting. It's so nice! Hehehe. He just makes me feel all warm and squishy inside!

Oh shit... those are my intestines... o.o

But anyway!!! I think I should rant about this one guy! Because like... this situation drives me crazy!!! >.< Well, I know this guy who can be a total asshole. In fact, thanks to him, I had a HORRIBLE emotional breakdown a few weeks ago that poor Mike had to help me through. I made myself so sick that night...

Here's the kicker. He's not really an asshole on his own. I mean, yeah, he can be, but he generally isn't. And now, he's supposedly leaving his psycho fiance type thing. I don't know if it'll actually last this time, and I'm not sure if I really care. On one hand, I really hope it does, because then he'll be free of a complete bitch and he could do SO much better! She's so controlling and just... ergh. I just can't stand her. But then he'll get his freedom back, so he'll be able to do what he wants, and we'll be able to talk and hang out again and whatnot.

On the OTHER hand, I almost hope he doesn't leave her, for the same exact reasons. If he does, that means he'll want to start talking and hanging out a lot again, and I'm not sure if I want that to happen. Well, I wouldn't mind the talking, but I doubt we could ever be best friends again like we used to be. Sure, it would be pretty awesome, but there are some problems with that.

One, I spend every moment of my freetime with Mike. Now, that's not a bad thing at all. I love every second I spend with him. <3 But I'm not really sure if I'd be willing to give up my Mike-time to hang out with him. Two, this said person would probably want to be more than just friends, and might try stuff. Yeeeah, I'm not okay with that. I never want to hurt Mike that way again. Ever. EVER. He deserves only the BEST.

Sigh.

This sucks. Hardcore. I don't want to hurt this said person anymore either... Hopefully he'll just be so happy not to be with her anymore, that he won't even think about trying to start any other kind of relationship. It would be great to just be friends.

But I know how much that would hurt Mike...

GOD, I'm such a hypocrite... I don't mean to be at all, and I try to apologize when I am... And then I get upset over things in his past. It's like... dude, he can't change it now, so I need to get over it and move on. And who am I to tell him not to talk to someone because it bothers him when I go ahead and talk to this said person, which really upsets him. I told him I'd stop talking to this person, and so far I've held to that. When I'm with him, I don't find it hard to stop talking to this person at all. Mike's smile is enough to get me to do just about anything. I'd give anything to see my baby happy. <3

Sigh again. I guess we shall see what happens. Until then, I just gotta keep my head up and keep on truckin'.

Note to self: Try to keep being honest with people! Don't dig any holes you can't climb yourself out of!! >.<

I'd write more, but I'm effin' tired, and now I'm totally ignoring poor Jeff Gordon. Jeff is amazing btw. Just thought I'd let you all know.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! :D
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