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squallet (profile) wrote,
on 12-11-2010 at 10:06pm
Current mood: blah
Music: "It's Been Awhile" by Staind
Subject: Falling for someone...
It really sucks... >.>
I think I'm giving up on romance.

I found myself looking at old pictures of me and Michael the other day.
I came across one of us kissing.
I tilted my head and looked at it inquisitively.
I felt nothing.
I honestly don't remember how to feel anymore.

I looked at it and tried to remember how it feels to feel loved.
How it feels to completely love and trust someone with all your heart.
I just couldn't remember that feeling at all.
I wasn't sad. I wasn't depressed. I just WAS.
Am I doomed to just exist without really living?
Or at least without loving?

I've already ruined things with Mike.
I took things too fast, fell too hard too soon.
I almost thought that I just fell for the THOUGHT of him and not him.
But more and more I'm realizing that it really is him I fell for.
Yet I feel like I could completely cease to exist and he wouldn't notice.
Why do I even give a damn?

Just fuck it.
I don't even care anymore.
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