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arrivistemerkaba (profile) wrote,
on 5-11-2011 at 3:41pm
Current mood: gloomy
Subject: My feild trip.
So, I was right. I spent most of the day obsessing over my angry journal post. I won't delete it though, I just can't be that much of a coward anymore.

Obsessing wasn't as bad as usual yesterday since I ended up with alot on my mind.
I ended up in the emergency dental center about an hour after I got out of the Library. My mouth was pulsing with pain and I had been crying off an on all day just from the agony. Almost as soon as they looked at me they realized that I had an issue called "Dry Socket". They shoved some needles in and cleaned it out (while I writhed and sobbed under them from the new levels of pain I was reaching.)

Eventually they put some horrible pink gel on me which tasted like bug spray and bile and explained to be why I had gotten dry socket. The gel was burning something fierce so I was listening as best I could.
Appearantly because everyone in my house smokes but me my immunity to it is low(obviously) and because of that the blood thinning effects of cig smoke were pretty much ensuring that I couldn't form a clot in my mouth wounds. The lack of a clot is making sure that I do not heal, and is also allowing all sorts of bad germs in causing all kinds of infections.

SO I ASK: "What can I do?"
AND HE SAYS: "Get away from the smoke..."

And I cry a little bit here because I can't get away from the smoke.
I head out to the lobby and the nurses come with me and explain to Grandma (who had driven me) what was causing the dry socket.
She.
Was.
OUTRAGED.
Furious that they had told her that smoking was what caused my pain. She abuses the nurse for a little bit and we leave.

In the car ride home she informs me that I have to move out. She said she would put in a good word with my aunt but otherwise I should start calling friends. By the time we get to the house she's raging out and accusing me of making the doctor just say that the smoke was doing it to punish her. We explain things to Mom and she decides that Grandma is right, and also rages out on me.

I cry some, and leave to get my norco script filled. When I get back everyone is sitting on the sofa and they call me in. Grandma informs me that I have another appointment with the doctor on Thursday, so I can stay in the house until then. If my Dry socket isn't healed by then I have to find somewhere else to go. They would not change their lifestyle just because my mouth was having a hard time healing. My aunt said she was too stressed out to take me in, so this is my only choice.

Currently they have me set up with fans all around me and all the windows open (they complain that it's too hot/too cold any chance they get to walk past me). I was consitering getting a medical facemask at one point when I was mad, but now I don't have the energy for it.
I came out with the excuse that it would get me away from the smoke for a little while. It's sort of true...I just... don't have any energy left in me to live.

Fuck this pain, nothing puts a dent into it.
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