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|gillette (profile) wrote, |
on 9-9-2011 at 12:47am
|Subject: Sorry for the self pity entry but I need to vent
|I feel completely isolated and alone because of my lack of active friendships. I don't have a best friend, nor do I have any friends that I can just call and say, "hey let's hang out." It seems like everyone else has moved on or is far away or busy with their new lives.
I've been doing really well making positive progress lately, but the social isolation I feel is suffocating me. I had one best friend, we had so much in common, I felt so comfortable around her and we did everything together. Well she graduated (we used to have classes together) and she got a new boyfriend (now fiance) who she's completely infatuated with and is also pregnant. And I haven't talked to her in months. I try texting or calling once in a while but I never get a response. I am a fun, friendly person I feel and I NEED social interaction. I need to have friends who I can hang out with, go to things with or just talk to. I'm really depressed about the whole thing, I even joined a stupid "friendship" website, but there's nobody even on there remotely in this area. My mom tells me to 'be brave' and just go to the bar or whatever by myself and "make" friends. That doesn't work so well because everyone is already there with their "groups" and people aren't just accepting of a random stranger trying to join in. I just feel sad b/c I feel like everyone else has friends except me. How did this happen? I know I got depressed and probably stopped communicating with people, but I guess when I moved to CMU I just got a boyfriend and he was my only friend, and I didn't make any new friends. And then we broke up, and I was left with just people I work with, who I am not friends with anymore. And so I rely on Nic, who I should honestly break up with but if I did I would have nobody.
I know maybe it seems silly, but I don't know what to do. I went to a couple groups on campus but I felt like an outsider b/c everyone already knew everybody and I was the "new" person that wasn't established in the group. I just want someone NOW! someone I can call and talk to or whatever. I'm sick of relying on my little sister and mom for female companionship. Not that I don't love them..they're wonderful and are happy to talk to me. But it's not the same. I'm 23, I feel like I should have a circle of girl friends, like my sister does! She has like four "best friends" who always hang out and they always do things together. and if one is busy there are three other people willing to hang out.
I just miss having friends and being a friend. :(
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