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|lugosi (profile) wrote, |
on 11-23-2011 at 10:00pm
|Current mood: uncomfortable
Subject: Fitting In
|As a grown up in the wide world, I have been desensitised to a lot of stuff that would have caused a younger "me" to run crying to my pillow. It is unfortunate that the comforting blanket of youth and naivety cannot stay on us longer.
However, now that I am a grown up I have realised something, I do not fit in. I never really have fitted in, I was a loner at school (had one friend and even we drifted ways), I had a confidant whom I respected greatly. I think perhaps it is not just down to personalities, people often say once they get to know me I have a very amiable personality and am a wonderful friend to them.
I do, on the opposite side, have a very serious facial expression, my face relaxes naturally into a stern look, perhaps it looks as though I am concentrating really hard on trying to drill a hole into something with my eyes, but I have been told I am intimidating.
You see part of my personality type is that of the "introvert", I know this doesn't necessarily mean all introverts are intimidating and stern looking, but I just happen to be one that is. I smile when I am paid to do so (that is in my job) but when my face is left to relax (on the commute home for instance) it is back to the stern look. I am not too bothered with putting on airs and graces, I am what I am and I always am that way.
I am always polite and respectful to people unless given a reason not to be, I speak clearly and take people's feelings into consideration before spewing hatred; I am patient and I try to be kind to others but still people find me intimidating and "serious". I don't mind it, I should be flattered at least it means people will not desire to approach me when I wish to be left alone.
But why is it some people find it so simple to "fit in"? I take a long time to feel like I belong anywhere and I have been in my current job for almost five years and I still do not feel like I fit in, I meshed well with one colleague and that is it, the rest of them are still practical strangers to me and find me a very stern and stoic work mate.
A lot of people have this desire, or urge to fit in, some of us just could not care less and are happy with things as they are. I just sometimes find myself wishing I was not quite so socially inept as other people my age, it would be nice to be able to fit in socially a little easier than I do currently.