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|lugosi (profile) wrote, |
on 3-21-2012 at 5:25pm
|Current mood: restless
Subject: Cynicism and Love
|I suppose I will start with "cynicism", last night whilst conversing with a friend they said to me "Lugosi, for someone your age you are very cynical, in fact I would say you possess the cynicism of someone who is forty five!" this made me chuckle but I suppose my friend's assessment of me is correct.
For someone of my age I am quite cynical, I do not walk around thinking the world is smelling of roses and that everyone is out to "help" and "love" you because really I think people are rather selfish and enjoy bettering themselves too much to concern themselves with other people's progress.
It is a rare, but wonderful, thing indeed when you find someone who genuinely cares about "you" and what you have to say.
Despite people finding me intimidating and a little stern at first, if they stick around long enough and worm their way through my rather large public barrier they find that I can be capable of great compassion, for a Lord of Darkness, that is!
A few friends had convinced me to join an internet dating site to "get a fresh perspective" on things, I lasted a week. And frankly I am surprised I lasted that long. Those places are like dens of inequity for the sex-crazed loons you do not want to be around at bars! The amount of times I felt my eye twitching or my face cringing when I received appallingly written messages or just flat out weird ones. "Hi sxy, hw r u?" "Hewwo" "sup"...
'My God,' I would think to myself 'What is wrong with these people? Were they too poor to attend school on a regular basis? Do they have brain damage?' it is most off putting if someone does not make the effort to converse with me or give me something to go on. I had taken the time to write quite a lengthy profile and include some decent pictures of myself on it. The amount of times people asked "whts ur fave movie?" I would let out an exasperated sigh and say if they had bothered to read my profile they would see I had listed at least ten favourite FILMS, that I enjoyed.
After a week of this sort of nonsense and correcting people's grammatical errors I decided to just delete myself off of the dating world and continue on in reality. Oh I have strayed from my point; a friend of mine had also joined one of the dating sites, I assume that the experience is very different for women and men, but I cannot be sure.
My friend is female, she had been on this site before and a man who registered not long after her had rejected her invitation for a date. Today (several months later) he messaged her saying he liked her profile and would like to go grab a coffee. My friend in her excitement showed me his picture...
You know that noise you make when you inhale loudly through gritted teeth, it almost sounds like steam escaping from a hole in a pipe? I made that noise and in the most polite tone I could muster I replied "Oh, I think he looks like a bit of a dick who loves himself too much and will treat you poorly... plus who in their right mind posts a topless picture of themselves of a dating site? Other than completely vain morons who think they have an amazing body. His face is not much to look at either, massive forehead, close together beady eyes and a wonky jaw and according to his profile he does not hold a command over the English language well enough to be with you... Not the sort I expected for you, my friend!" she laughed and said I was being too cynical about this and that I will sing a different tune when she texts me to tell me how marvellous the date went.
So today rolls along and I am out for a nice long walk enjoying the spring time weather and my phone signals me that I have a text message, guess what? That Neanderthal stood her up. I did my best not to rub salt in the wounds and told her some silly jokes and various other things to make up for it but all the while I was saying "I told you so" in my mind.
Now on to my issue... The person I have become rather attached to is currently seeing someone, there is also quite an age gap to contend with (but age has never been an issue with me in the slightest, I tend to enjoy the company of people a bit older than myself) and of course I do not really know how this person feels for me, I would never break them up from their relationship nor would I even let them know how I feel, but the damn bitter sweet pain is rather cumbersome. Oh what to do? I suppose just go along at my pace, enjoy the feelings I have but keep them to myself until this person confesses undying love to me (doubtful) or becomes single (also doubtful).
Loveless, thy name is Lugosi!