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|mintbones (profile) wrote, |
on 5-14-2012 at 11:09am
|Subject: oh. well... okay.
|Sitting inside a Bojangles. The rain is pouring and pouring... I hope it doesn't stop. Or at least not til it gets dark.
Moving again in a couple of weeks. Coming full circle. Going back to where I started. And hopefully, finally this will be the last time. Sick of packing up all my stuff and uprooting. Sick of losing stuff in each move. Sick of hauling furniture on inevitably rainy days and breaking off pieces of the unacceptably heavy desk.
Feeling a bit anxious about things. Namely my car. I have the worst luck with vehicles. Pray it all works out, and in time for the flight back out of the city. Time for the latter half of this month will be very precious and we will have to spend it carefully until the 1st.
Spiritually, I'm evolving. Here in the city I found a niche in a group of people who really, truly welcome me for who I am. No fake "all are welcome"s here. It will take over an hour to drive there on Sundays once I leave this place. I don't know how often I will be able to make the trip.
As always I am so thankful for my partner. He has never left my side. I can rest so much easier knowing whatever happens, we're in it together. Hell or high water, rain or shine. When my car stalls and breaks down, and I panic and totally lose my head, I know who to call.
I turn 21 in six days. If after the mechanic bill we have a bit of money left over, I am going ahead with the plan I've had since I was sixteen or so. Although it may involve substantially more drinks than originally planned - work knew of the occasion and gave me not only the day off, but the day after... clearly I've been given permission by the universe.
This Bojangles is playing christian "rock". It seems in... poor taste for a restaurant. I feel sorry for any non-christian employees.
Mixed feelings about moving back to the country. Going back to a county that supported hatred of people like me 97% last week... Going like 30 miles from a Trader Joe's. Now, that's the worst.
Also, things with my mother have changed since my old car [before the current one, which is crippled at the moment but - I presume, at least - not fatally] died. She helped. A lot. After not speaking for six months, we're back in contact. We needed the break. I think she respects me as an adult now, at least a little bit.
And I hope she realizes that while I will be living in her house, my primary role will be as tenant, paying rent. Not child. She will try to assume the controlling parent role, but it will be rejected, as calmly and respectfully as possible. That doesn't mean there won't still be a shitfight; that's just the way she is.
Well. I don't update here much because all I ever write elsewhere is just venting or panicking. My hope is that once I stop moving around, stop depending 100% on my minimum-wage income to not be homeless, stop having no way to get around at all should my car become disabled, I will be able to relax a little bit. My disposition is already anxious; this does not help.
But for now, I will enjoy the rain.
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