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mintbones (profile) wrote,
on 6-19-2012 at 1:26pm
Find myself here again. Back to the country. Back with the family. Full circle. I needed a break, but the break's now over. And it's more okay than I expected.

I find I feel truly at home here. Moreso than I ever did before I left. Maybe I just didn't know what it meant to feel welcome, to feel like I belong, to feel supported and able to remain pretty much indefinitely. To have stability. To not have to look forward to a certain date a few months from now when I'll have to pack up all of my things again and find another place to live.

And, of course, having my partner to sleep beside me every night is always a plus.

Grandpa died back in February, the day after I moved from my 4th to 5th place, the last before I came back here. Sad to say, but it's a thousand times more peaceful without him. I was using the can opener today and even now I still flinch when it makes noise, waiting for him to take the opportunity to come investigate. It's good to be able to spend time in the living room watching tv or playing a game or whatever without him coming in and complaining about it. It's good to not come home to fox news blaring from the tv.
I think nobody wants to admit it, but sometimes it's a positive thing when someone dies. We want to create this belief that it's always the worst thing that could possibly happen, always a tragedy, always a horrible loss, but sometimes, it's a relief. Sometimes it's okay to say, even if just in your heart, "I'm glad they're gone now. Life is better."
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