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|rek (profile) wrote, |
on 3-26-2015 at 12:40am
|when i don't post, it's actually a good thing. for the one or two days of the year when my darkest thoughts seize me enough to write in here, there's 364 days when it's really not as bad as that.
stopped drinking. changed my bc. got rid of some stuff, made some real plans for the future, even if they won't happen for a while. i'm never really sure if i'm actually happy, but i do know when i'm -not depressed-, and if that's the best it can be, ok. that's cool. as long as it's not permanent depression forever.
i made it to 27. i made it through to 28. it's not the 'ohh all the musicians did it bweh' that is really meaningful to me, as is the theory that... 27 is when it's too far to keep holding on to teenage depression, addictions, habits. 27 is when you decide whether to shit or get off the pot - fight the lingering coming-of-age feelings, if you haven't started already, if you can. and if you can't... you can't.
i still have days when people close to me make me feel worthless. i take a moment to feel it, to feel the crappy 'i suck' feeling. but now there's a voice in my head that says, fuck you, person, for making me feel this way. it's YOUR fault. i am NOT terrible. so i refuse to be around you anymore. 7 billion other people on the planet, i can choose to disassociate with negative humans.