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x-cosmic-sunday-x (profile) wrote,
on 7-1-2015 at 10:19pm
What do you mean you don't know how you fit as a sexual being? That intrigues me tell me more.

To elaborate about not fitting in sexually
It’s not something I particularly like to talk about and it also brings up a fair amount of anxiety and general upset; Partially because I struggle with it and partially because I’m still unsure what causes or triggers it… that being said, I am sure it is beneficial to talk about, even if I don’t fully understand/can’t explain it.
The easiest way to explain would be to say my libido is bipolar. I go through long periods (sometimes weeks, but usually months) with no desire for any sort of sexual or non-sexual contact…which I guess I would label as low libido or asexual periods depending on how its defined…Alternated with periods of hyper sexuality. I can’t anticipate when/what/how long either stage will last and it is not typically a gradual change either. Both the low libido and hyper sexuality stages tend to be at the opposite ends of intensity, so there’s no middle ground. As you can probably guess it causes a lot of emotional/mental stress and frustration, not to mention feeling completely “abnormal” especially for my age. It’s also dramatically impacted just about every relationship I’ve had in the past 4 years.
To add to that I’m often more physically attracted to women (even though I prefer men) and would probably characterize myself as bisexual but lack the experience to confirm that. So together, all that leaves me at times confused but often just distressed, apprehensive and vulnerable.
All I can do is try and be clear of my feelings, needs and wants as they arise, which is another reason I find communication and trust super important.
Probably not the intriguing answer you would have thought… also more than I think I’ve told anyone, but again I tend to just avoid talking about it.
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